What's the one thing America's got but the UK hasn't... School shootings

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I insist, you go ahead. See you around. how about in four six hours?

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did you hear about the little girl who won first place in her school's spelling bee? she was hit by a bus

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Q: What lives in holes? A: Jerks.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says 'Why the long face?' The horse says 'My alcoholism is destroying my family.'

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Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow? Because her dog was blind too.

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Why was the baby so hot? Napalm. Why was the baby so cold? Meat locker.

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Your moms so fat she struggles to to everyday tasks

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What's blck and blue and doesn't like sex? The ten year old in my car.

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roses are red, violets are blue, poems are stupid, refridgerator

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Attack her with a sanding machine.

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A man walks into a bar. He hits his head and dies.

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Did you hear about the guy that had his entire left side cut off? He's all right now. Dead but all right.

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1,2,3,4,5..what comes next? yeah you should know how to count

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se* is like math add the couple minus the clothes add the cream and just hope they dont multiply

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was Hellen Keller.

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar answer his cell phone? Because he's DEAD.

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Roses are red and i like Pie but seriously, i don't care if you die

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Why did the woman make the man a sandwich? Because the man severed his spinal cord and is no longer able to move any of his limbs.

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Panda walks into a restaurant with gun ready to eat, shoot and leave to finish a really good grammar joke, but before he can eat, Animal Control tranquilize him and seize his gun. So all he can do is leave unconscious. Meanwhile someone takes enjoyment in slowly burning the dictionary entry for "Panda".

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What do you get when you combine a cat and a dog? A Cog

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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A shoemaker walks into a bar holding a shoebox with only one shoe inside. The bartender gives him a drink and asks "Say mister, why are you carrying that shoebox with one shoe?" The shoemaker says "Well sir, it's a long story." The bartender says "Okay, give me the short version." The shoemaker says "Okay, long story short, I'm not really a shoemaker." The bartender asks "Well buddy, what are ya?" The shoemaker gets up from his chair and says "I'm a guy missing shoe."

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What do you call it when the Doctor goes back in time to meet himself? A pair o' Docs. What do you call it when Shaquille O'Neil goes back in time to meet himself? Shaquille O'Neil can't go back in time.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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