A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Your mamas so old that she sat next to Jesus in kindergarten?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Two Mexicans are at the border and want to cross it. How do they cross it? Illegally

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How does Helen Keller play the piano? With one hand.. She needs the other hand to sing.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call a white basketball player? A very athletic hardworking dedicated human being.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A bomb went off in japan where did sally go Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what did the paraplegic get for his birthday? a bike...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whats the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I dont have a Ferrari!!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: Who was the most famous French skeleton? A: Napoleon bone-apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did little Tommy eat an apple? Because he was on a diet

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What can hurt you if you pee on it? A rabid grizzly bear

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into a bar, and he died.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

how much blondes does it take to fix a light bulb 1 to buy the bulb 2 to put it up and 25 to think about what it does

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do a black man and a bench have in common? The black man can sit in the bench.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the basketball player do before he scored a basket? Shot the basket ball

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock Knock Hold on Im pooping.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what did the penguin say to the other penguin after they rolled down a hill, and fell into a pile of leaves then proceeded to go swimming, play basketball, go swimming again and then play ping pong and pool? nothing. penguins cant talk

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man goes to the doctor's office. The doctor says, "I have some bad news, and some worse news. The bad news is you have alzheimer's. The worse news is you have cancer." The man breaks down in tears, realizing that his life as he knew it is over, and recognizing the horrible burden he is about to become on his family, both financially and emotionally.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center? Pepperoni

thumb_up thumb_down +12

My friends a Jehovahs Witness. He got all pissed at me because he tried to tell me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.......i totally stole this joke lol.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How can you ruin someone's day? Tell them their mother has cancer. No really, I found out my mom has cancer a week ago.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why Tom is Gay ? Because brocoly didnt eat a mashroom .

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops