If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? Deteriorate

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Q: Why are pine trees green? A: Because of the green pigments in the leaves known as chlorophyll which are used to capture sunlight.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Roses are red Violets are blue Horses that lose Are made into glue

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Why can't bob fix it? I through a frige at him.he died.

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Why are the dinosaurs extinct? A meteor hit the Yucatan Peninsula and caused a blast that covered the earth and killed them all.

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Why was the man lying under a sheet. Because he was dead.

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Q: Whats the first thing you see when you wake up? A: I don't know.

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Why did the man read the terms of service? He had ignored them before, and was forced into a scam where a shady organization took all of his money and possessions. With no other way to provide for his family, the man began selling drugs, which led to several arrests. He has been n prison for 3 years now... His wife has left him for one of the man's close friends

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What happened after the man with no arms and legs lost his keys? Nothing. He won't get them for the rest of his life.

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Why did Susie fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Not Susie.

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A jew was walking down the street what did he see? the holocaust

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue You wouldn't know that Cause you're a dog.

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All the other kids with the pumped up kicks died in a school shooting.

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Why did Adolf Hitler Start WWII and kill millions of Jews? Because he was a poweful dictator

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what happens if you drop a spoon? it sounds a lot, and it's annoying

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Whats the difference between Osama and Obama? The S is replaced with a B.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie appears and says that he will grant him 3 wishes. The man says "I wish for a duck". POOF! He got a duck. Then he says "I wish for a penguin". POOF! A penguin magically appears. He thought long and hard for his 3rd wish. Then he said "I wish I had a turtle" POOF! Suddenly out of nowhere the genie disappears. The man looked inside the magic lamp and saw a small turtle. The end.

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What would Helen Keller say to Obama? Wow Im really impressed that you are our nation's first black president. You're doing a great job. Except it would come out like DUUUUURNNNNNAFMKAAAALLLL

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A ginger, a brunette and a blonde all go to the store. They are checking out and the ginger says to the blonde, "Why did you get that cereal instead of the one on sale?" And the blonde says "Because I have a membership card that gave me a discount on this cereal." The ginger gets out of line to return her cereal because she remembers she too has a membership card. And then the brunette pulls out a gun and shoots them all because she has depression and needs psychiatric help.

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Jimmy comes home from school one day and goes to his mother. "Mommy, guess what?" "What?" "I had sex with my teacher today!" Naturally after hearing such news the mother gets appalled and tells her husband. "Well, that's my boy" he says "Now that your a man Jimmy we're going to go out and get some drinks tonight be ready in a half an hour." So they arrive at the local bar "Wait here son, you can sit down and save us a table and I'll go get the drinks ok?" "No dad I think I'll stand" "..why? What's the matter son?" "My butt hurts"

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What did the black guy get for Christmas? (In 1938) A bruise from the Klu Klux Klan.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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