I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

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-How do you wake up Lady Gaga? -Poke her face

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What is small, yellowy-white and emits a kind of cheesy smell? A lump of cheese

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Two dinosaurs go to a theme park. On the way home they contemplate that they didn't really enjoy themselves. They decide to buy some ice cream to cheer them up a bit. They are severely frustrated by the lack of fun they had for the money they paid. Then they go to sleep. I completely forgot how this joke went, but your mom's a slut.

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http://media.photobucket.com/image/whale%20penis/marcus1v0/whale_penis2.jpg

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Roses are grey. Violets are grey. There is an entire spectrum of the world I am not privy to.

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Whats blue, fuzzy and has little red dots all over? Beats me...

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in your penis.

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Did you hear about that man who ate 17 cheeseburgers?! I didn't.

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Do not use your phone, I repeat DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE, at this point we do not know enough, as for this kid, he is about two minutes from getting his ass locked in a nice prison, I told them he does not know anything, and I will make sure he does not squeal, you should be good, even if I got to take care of him.

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What's the difference between a red shirt and a blue shirt? one is red and one is blue

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Why was the girl running? She had to catch her bus.

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What do you call two Muslims flying an airplane? Pilots

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My former roomate had that game, about some bald guy that can slow down time, but thats like supernatural or something.

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whats worse than the black death. Bieber Fever

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. ( to heaven )

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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When you say that Chuck Norris has counted to infinity twice. I say that you cant count to infinity because it isnt a quantifyable number

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What do you get when you cross a spider with a cow? A dead spider.

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Why did Justin Beiber cut his hair It had grown to long

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What do Selena and Justin, Kate and William, and Barack and Michelle all have in common? Nothing.

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Whats funnier than a dead baby? Pretty much anything.

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What are you getting for Christmas? Wasted.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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