Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

YO mama so stupid, when she got hit by a bus she said WHO THREW THAF ROCK AT ME.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

What's the problem with blonde people? They don't have black hair.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Hi Danny it's Louis Tehe

thumb_up thumb_down -132

Yo mama so fat she was diagnosed with diabetes and now has to regulate her daily intake of foods.

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Q: What did the redneck say with missing front teeth? A: "I can only eat things with my back teeth and I have AIDS."

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Wanna hear a joke? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Why did the man float in the lake? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

How do you make a bowl of cheese? First you get a bowl. Then insert the cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Why did the groom have cold feet? Because his socks were slightly damp resulting in evaporation and the cooling of his feet, as well as the cold weather in December.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down +45

You are the third derivative of the position function.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

whats the difference between a pizza and a jew -a pizza is food

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why was the boy sad? Because his dog was brutally murdered and the man responsible painted his bedroom walls in the dogs blood.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

A: Knock, knock. B:Who's there? A: It's your neighbor, Sam. B: Oh, well my extended family is over for dinner at the moment. Would you mind coming back later? A: I suppose that would be alright.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Hey dude ask me if im a tree!? Are you a tree? No

thumb_up thumb_down +39

A boy with red hair is happy.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

why did the chicken cross the road? it wanted to get the waffle ice cream cone that was on the ground next to the little child who got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did the black man not tip his waiter? Because she provided terrible service and was undeserving.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Robin, get into the Batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Cracked.com the only (depressive) "humor" site.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What smells like curry and bombs? A dead Indian

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A black guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. They were very successful and became the most popular restaurant in town.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops