What is yellow and sleeps alone? Yoko Ono.

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What happens in the end of the original "Pinocchio" Italian fairy tale? He is hanged.

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Have you heard the one about the drunk cleaning lady? I haven't either but I bet it is good. That is a pretty good premise for a joke.

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Why did the child drop it's lollipop? Because they got hit by a bus.

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Two oranges walking down the street, one says to the other, "Where do you live?". The other replies "I'm not telling you, you'll steel my washing"

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Lilys are from england violets from japan. I've got a knife now get in the van

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Why did the plain crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

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son, you're adopted.

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What’s the best part about winning a gold medal? Nothing. You’re on acid and staring straight at the sun.

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Why did the man burp? Because gases escaped from his stomach and came out of his mouth.

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I'm on the seafood diet, a large proportion of my daily food intake consists of fish.

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a priest, a bishop and a cardinal walk into bar to hand out pamphlets about alcoholism

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A basket full of puppies can do anything, except put out a fire.

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A man was drowning in a lake and so he asked God to save him. A man on a boat came by and said to the drowning man "Do you need any help?" The drowning man said "Yes! Thank God a boat came for me!" So the man on the boat pulled the man from the water and saved him.

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A jew walks into a bar. The bartender says "get out you jew!" The bar tender apparently was a Nazi.

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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How did the old man climb the hill? He didn't.

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Two jews walk into a bar. They laugh over a beer and leave

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All dead all doom or all dead? How can you choose the question doesn't make sense. dead all dooom ohhhaklsdjfla;ksdjfal;skfjasd

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Q .What robin told to batman before they got into the car? A. Get into the car!!

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A three legged dog walks into a saloon. He is quickly removed, as it was an establishment for humans and not for dogs.

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What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile? "Get in the Batmobile"

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What do you call a Mexican mixed with a platypus? a pineapple

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The government makes a good decision

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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