To clowns walk into a bar. They don't notice each other because as soon as they walk to a 5-yard radius, the length that was said to be the range of a clowns eyesight (which was actually said by a controversial scientist, looked on as a madman; he created a whole clown-eyesight-range conspiracy), when a fire starts, creating a huge apocalyptic event. However, the two clowns go into the bar unphased. Both clowns then turn opposite directions. The clown on the right sits down with his drink and takes out his book about the Victorian Era. He constantly checks his watch. The clown on the left disapears into the croud, and steals french fries from table 36. After three hours, they both walk to the back of the bar, simultaneously tying their shoes not noticing their similarity in career choices. They both open a door marked PRIVATE (while tying their shoes). After sixteen days of exactly the same thing happening repeatedly... Both clowns see eachother on the way out of the bar. Little do the know that they are being watched by the scientist I mentioned earlier. Two Years Later Both clowns die instantly after being attacked by a giant war hammer-wielding octopus on the way home from the circus.

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what's the difference between a zebra and a horse They are spelled differently

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Why did the Iraqi airline crash? The pilot was a tomato.

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A used condom filled with water and left on a radiator makes an ideal and inexpensive lava lamp.

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What's worse that pooping in your pants having someone see it

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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What do you call flashlight in an Asian kids room what ever the brand is

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i threw my line in the toilet the fishing was pretty shity that day

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A homeless guy walked up to me and said "Any change?", to which I replied, "Nope, your still homeless". We laughed and laughed. The he stabbed me.

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That awkward moment when a loved one dies.

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How do you get your lawyer to shut up. Hit him with a bat.

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What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? You don't have to cook an onion to eat it.

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Why did the baby stop crying? I hit him with a brick.

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Knock Knock Who's There The police, your under arrest.

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How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By pulling human entrails out of her purse when he asks her to provide insurance.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got hit by a school bus and died.

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Roses are brown. Violets are brown. Who pooped in my garden?

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Roses are red violets are blue ice-cream is yummy can I eat you

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Whats black,white and red all over? A penguin in a blender

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A man walks into a bar gets drunk gets in his car and has a terrible crash because he was to intoxicated the end.

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Why can't Chuck Norris divide by zero? Because it is impossible, the answer is undefined.

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What is said about the man who is addicted to online gaming? He plays more than 5 hours per day and doesn't have any social contacts or whatsoever.

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Why are Pirates called Pirates? Because the word originates from the term Pirata which means 'sea attacker' in Latin.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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