A jew walks into a bar. The bartender says we dont sell juice here. The jew promptly leaves, offended.

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Gerald: Hey did you know I was named AFTER Abraham Lincoln? Gloria: Because he was born in the 1800's and you were born and named many years afterward? Gerald: Ah... I guess I emphasized that joke a little to much - I'm sorry this conversation happened

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Why did the Mexican sneak across the US border? There aren't many good jobs for him in Mexico, and with the cost of living in his small village, he will be able to provide for his entire family of seven on just minimum wage in California. He will miss his family terribly while he is away from them, but he believes it is worth it in the end. Once he saves enough, he will pay the coyotes to smuggle the rest of his family over so they can be together again. Hopefully none of them will die on the journey.

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Psychic wanted. You know where to apply.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding out your boyfriend's gay

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I am strangling you. Do you see my arms? I AM FREAKEN STRANGLING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

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knock knock who's there? banana well that's an odd name. banana then began to break down in tears because his parents were constant drug abusers and gave him that name while they were high

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Why was the cat meowing really loud? It was on fire. Why did the cat suddenly stop meowing? It died.

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2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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What did Marshawn Lynch say? Yeah

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Why did the chicken cross the road? An obsession with what motivates a chicken.

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once upon a time jess was happy this once upon a time was a very long time ago, BABADOOK !

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What did Robin do in between crime fighting? He had a paper route.

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How do you get a clown off of a swing? You throw an axe at its face.

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Roses are crimson. Violets are purple. I don't understand why this poem is so popular.

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How many Cancer patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. Cancer does not affect one's ability to install light bulbs.

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What is just as important as Woman's Rights? Woman's Lefts, to maintain equality.

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Can Anti-Jokes censor curse-word tenses? Fuck Fucking Fucked Fucks

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haiku for you ladies and gents My mother once said, "Slow and steady wins the race" She died in a fire.

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Why couldn't the 13 year old get into the pirate movie? He has cancer and is dying in the hospitable.

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Her hair was fine, her scent was great, now show me your fucking ****.......please

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue I want to get you pregnant.

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What's the difference between an airplane and a cantaloupe? What? Wow your a dumby head.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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