SHUT UP JP

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Why did hundreds ofnpeople die in a plane crash? Because the pilot was a salad.

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Why is did the blonde cross the road? She was trying to catch the chicken.

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A Catholic, a Protestant, and a Jew are stranded in the middle of the ocean on a raft. They all die of dysentery.

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whats the difference between a frog and a toad ones a frog

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Q: Billy has 47 pieces of cake, he eats 38. What does he have left? A: Diabetes

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Knock knock Who’s there? The police, your family was killed in a horrific car crash on highway 22 this morning at 10:15 after they collided head on with a truck. They died instantly if it is any conciliation. We will contact you further into our investigation. Dave then poured himself a whiskey and thought about all the good times he and his family shared, teaching Jessica to ride a bike, his and Kate’s honeymoon in Honolulu, playing catch with Jacob. That’s when the full extremity of the situation hit Dave causing him to break into tears he sat and cried for three hours and fifteen minutes. Once he had gotten that out of his system he decided to visit his mother and tell her the horrible news. Knock Knock Who’s there? Dave Dave who? Again Dave breaks into tears as his grandmothers althsiemers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember her sons name. Feeling shattered he decides not to go through the process of explaining who he is and decides to head to the local pub to drown his sorrows. Bartender: hard day? Dave: my wife and two beautiful children were mauled in a head on collision with a truck and my mother can’t remember who I am. Bartender: yeah sure but was it a hard day? Dumbstruck with this ridiculous remark Dave pauses for a moment. The bar is silent only the sounds of bottles clinking and feet tapping on bar stools can be heard. Cigarette smoke hangs in the air. Dave stares at the bartender momentarily then throws his bottle at him send him off balance Dave then grabs the shot gun he knows the bartender keeps behind the counter and shoots the bartender at point blank range. Some customers run scared witless other try to control Dave but only end up in the same position as the bartender. Dave is left standing in a pool of blood. The smell of death hangs in the air with the cigarette smoke. Feeling slightly better Dave heads home and kills himself. Dave was an excellent plumber we will miss him.

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Two girls were taken away mysteriously in the night. The next day, no one cared because they were orphans.

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Why did the boy trip? A small explosion in the center of the earth caused by a hobo created a tsunami, causes a seagull to fly off in alarm. The seagull lands on a Smart Car, causing it to crash, which sends a signal off to a satellite in space. Because of this, a massive earthquake occurs. Oh, and the boy? There was a bowl of soup left carelessly on the ground.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? An ambulance.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because if he stayed on the farm, he would have been condemned to a miserable life, subjected to deplorable living conditions and an eventual pain-filled death by the hand of a cruel and heartless farmer. Crossing that road was his only chance of salvation.

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Why did the baby fall off the swing? It had no arms or legs. Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because I kicked her in the face.

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Wihat's red, green, and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender!!!!!

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Salt is brown, Pepper is white, my kitchen is in a mess.

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What's disabled and red all over. The kid I hit with my car.

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http://media.photobucket.com/image/whale%20penis/marcus1v0/whale_penis2.jpg

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hi im bob i ate a Pickle sucked a boob and died of a haert atak

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Why did my penis cross the road? To get to the other vagina.

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what do call a girl with a waterslide nose? Ava Sherman

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Scratch and Sniff [________] smells like glass doesn't it?

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Why were the police chasing the black man? Because he was in such a poor financial state that the bank foreclosed his house and now he has no source of income and therefore no way to purchase basic living requirements, so he was forced to steal in order to provide food for his family.

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Roses are red,violets are blue, i love the colour red and green but its a pitty because im not so keen.

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A man entered ten puns into a pun contest, hoping that one of them would win. Unfortunately, he came in third place and was discouraged by his loss.

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How do you put your babysitter in jail? Kill your kid on her shift.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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