- Anti Joke

What's the difference between a Pimple and a Priest? One waits till you're 13 to "come" on your face.

Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

Knock knock Whos there A dead boy a dead boy who A dead boy who started tobuy drugs and didn't have the money for it and his family loved him and he was going to go to college

Why did the chicken cross the road? To run away from a fat emo girl with a knife

Whats the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? The Porsche isn't in my garage

PROS = good things CONS = bad thing So, if PROgress is a good thing...then why is the US government call CONgress?

a group of teenagers are laughing at a boy around their age when on says "youre stupid" the boy then replies "i prefer the term Autistic"

What's Green and has four wheels? A green car

Hey i just met you, and this is crazy, i have amnesia, i'm Skepta

Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

It's not ok to have intercourse with a woman who say's "No!" But what about "Let go of me!"?

Roses are red, yup.

A man carrying a bucket of golf clubs walks into a bar with a blonde, a brunette, and an asian. His name was Tiger Woods.

Do you know what the forest fire got for Christmas? Your house

What did the man do with the naked baby girl? He put some clothes on her and proceded to lay her down for a nap.

whats worth than finding half a dead worm in your apple getting rapped by your step dad

what's worse than pie? alot of things.

What do you call a boomerang that doesnt come back? A stick.

Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? He needed money to feed his family and to pay for his daughter's college education.

What did the cannibal say after he ate the clown? I am not sure as the tragic situation occurred while the clown was hiking alone.

Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

Why was Edgar sad at the swimming pool? Edgar had been taking swimming lessons for a few weeks, on a tuesday-thursday basis, and was not learning how to swim as well as he would have liked. His instructer, Ms. Herpina was also very rude and generally disrespectful to Edgar. As a result of him seeing the lack of progress, and his dislike of his teacher, one day he quit going to his lessons and went to the local Dairy Queen instead with his girlfriend, Susie. Little did he know, his mother had also gone out to buy him DairyQueen, as a celebration to him becoming better at swimming. When she saw him at Dairy Queen, she was very angry at her son, who had lied to her about going to that days' lesson, and had also lied to her about not having a girlfriend. After his mom told his girlfriend that they couldn't date, she took a distraught Edgar to their small apartment. Edgar had always hated this apartment, ever since the first day they moved in as a result from the lack of money to afford a nicer area. After his older brother David stole all that money from his mother to buy drugs a few years back, his life hasn't been the same. His mother was forced to move into an apartment with few luxories, and Edgar was constantly jealous of his friends at school, especially Jason, the dark haired boy who always bragged about how good he was at his PSP games. Edgar only wanted happiness for at least a little while, but was quickly forced back to the pool. He was embarassed at the fact that he couldn't swim, and all the popular girls at the pool were making fun of him. It had been a rough life for Edgar, and he was still only seven years of age. This, my child, is why Edgar was sad at the swimming pool.

What did the rapist say to the child? Contrary to popular belief, I am just a kind old man that likes to hand out sweets to disadvantaged young children. I only got dubbed a rapist when a child crawled into the back of my van as I drove off; the fact that his abusive father was the one who raped him is not my fault.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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