What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungee cord? My ass.

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guy 1- damn its hot in here guy 2- then turn on the damn fireplace

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What did the vegetarian eat for christmas? Food.

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How do you escape from being enlisted in the army of your nation? Flee to a different country and bring along your valuables.

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what did the noob say to the gamer your a gamer nooob

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So a man walks into a wedding and asks the waiter where the to wait for the punch... the waiter says, "there is no punchline."

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how did the dead baby cross the road? it was stapled to a chicken..

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School means: Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Lives

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Why did sally fall off her swingset? Because she was hit with a refrigerator.

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how do you french braid? ask a french dude to braid your hair DUHH

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Q: Why did the cookie go to the dentist? A: Because he was dying of brain cancer.

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Three black men go to the basketball courts one day hoping to play some ball. On the way there they see a homeless man with a sign that says "Homeless. Anything will help." However, since they were on there way to play ball, none of them found it necessary to bring cash, thus resulting in them walking by the homeless man without giving him any money.

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Bob: The whale is a creature that isn't naturally capable of creating any kind of technologically advanced unit of operations? Spectator: Was that actually a question or a statement? Bob: To be candid, occasionally my mind registers the practically indelible impression that I am not competent enough to effectively articulate my relatively subtle thoughts of philosophical value. Spectator: What'd you attempt to explicate? Bob: Hello, contemporary. Spectator: That's definitely considerably better than, "Benevolent greeting to you, fellow indigenous inhabitants of the magnificant, planetary cynosure, Earth Prime." You've managed to improve! Bob: I shall try to emulate those simpletons of this planet in order to garner new allies. Maybe next time I should just stick with some traditional routines that many people currently practice on a daily basis. Now, it's time to examine some "test subjects" so to educate myself further on the nature of my numerous classmates, purported facillitators etc. Spectator: Bye. Bob: See you next time! Wow... I amaze myself with my ability to efficiently adapt to my circumstantial situations. I mean, I am a ninja student who has developed new skills at communication! Wait... nevermind. Bystander: man, were you just soliloquizing... and personally enjoying it? Bob: Ehhh,... No? Bystander: Was that a statement or a question?

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How do you stop a clown from laughing? Hit him in the face with an axe. -Tag

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What did one Rhino say to the other? My, I'm sure glad we found this decadent watering-hole.

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How do you kill a blonde? I don't. Murder is a crime.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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Why was the little boy's head so big? He had a tumor in his brain.

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Why did Sally go to McDonalds? Because she felt like it

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How you make a duck cry? Raping it. How you make it shut up? Killing it. Why did no one helped the duck? Because the duck has no friends.

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how many black guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? who cares even if they could screw it in it wouldnt work because there to poor to aford electricity

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How do u save someone from dieing of cancer? U shoot them in the head

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Why did the retard have no friends? Because somebody stitched his mouth and eyes shut so he couldn't be social.

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I you beat Chuck Norris in arm wrestling, you will be proud of yourself and he will go home with nothing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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