An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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A muslim and a jew walk into a bar. The muslim proceeds to detonate the bomb he had strapped to his chest, killing himself and dozens of bar patrons.

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Haikus are simple but sometimes they don't make sense refrigerator.

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How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? one, hes an electrician

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is a woman.

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Why didn't the woman have a penis? Because she was female.

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your in court a woman police officer says anything you say can and will be held against you. the man replies titty

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Two men walk into a bar. The first man says to the bartender "I'd like some h2o". The second man says "I'd like some h2o to". The second man died.

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I like my women how I like my coffee; without a penis.

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Why are the deserts so dry? Obama

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What came first, the chicken or the egg? The chicken. The chicken always comes first, that's why the egg never comes at all.

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9/11

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Justin Beiber walks into a bar. The bartender does not serve him because he is not the legal drinking age yet.

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Whats green and has wings? grass, I lied about the wings.

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Why does pavement get hot. Because it’s black. How could you tell she had bruises. Because they were black. Why did the boy drop out of school. Because he was dying of melanoma.

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How do you make a baby understand what you want? You color yourself purple, wear a yellow shirt, and do cart wheels while singing "The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round!"

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Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.

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What did Yoda say to Darth Vader? The only time the two had talked Darth Vader was still Anakin therefor, he said nothing.

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If life gives you lemons, You throw them as hard as you can at the nearest stranger. If life gives you melons, You're probably dyslexic.

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How many times do you have to make an ass of yourself before you look like a retard and thinking ''random'' means funny? Fuck yourself HAHAHAHAHA seriously stahp

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why was 7 afraid of 6?that is impossible it is older than six and stronger than its mother

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Roses are red Violets are blue I've got to say I hate you!

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What did Jimmy get for his first bithday A coffin

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 raped 9.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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