What did the golfer do on his vacation? He played golf.

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Why can't the orphan play baseball? He can't find home.

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A black man walks into a bar and he orders a margarita. The bartender says that the margaritas are exceptionally delicious in this bar. He was right.

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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What did the lawyer say to the doctor? - I am a lawyer and you're a doctor.

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What came first... the chicken or the egg? How am I supposed to know?

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Q: What would happen if Chuck Norris was hit by an Astroid A: He would die.

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Why did the man drop one dozen long stem roses? Because he was hit by a taxi cab

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Why did the man go to McDonalds? Because he was a pedophile.

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Why did the muffin not eat the other muffin. Because muffins do not have a digestive system.

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What do a turtle an a bird have in common? They both fly except the turtle

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What do you get when u cross a owl and a bungy cord...........my ass

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Why did the clown go to jail? He murdered a thirteen-year-old girl.

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What do you call a person with cancer A hospital patient, what did you expect? Oh. Of course you expected Chewbacca.

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What's green and invisible? This cabbage in my hand.

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What are the differences between a black man and a park bench? One's a chair and ones a person.

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there was a lesbian, a bi-sexual and a homosexual at a wine bar having a drink.......They had a great night

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bob lost his camouflage bag. he never found it.

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knock knock who's there boo boo who why are you crying it's just a joke

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What do you call a dog? A cat. What do you call a cat? A banana.

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What did Robin say to Batman before they entered the Batmobile? "Batman, I'm a necropheliac."

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Guess whats in my hand. Can you guess? A gun. Bam bam, you're dead. Haha

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What do you get when Justin Bieber mates with a beaver? Nothing, the species are too genetically different to produce offspring

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what does pedobear get for christmas ? nothing he's the one giving love to all kids .

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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