“Ok, time for bed” … is what I said to the empty living-room. It was getting late, and the internet no longer amused me. I picked up my cell phone, rooted through the couch cushions until I located the remote, and turned off the television that had been nothing but background noise for the last few hours. I made sure the front and back doors were securely locked, walked around the back of the couch, and turned off the only light. A tap on the screen of my phone created just enough light to keep from busting a toe on an errant table leg. Because my cats have an evil tendency to lie in the middle of the hallway, I aimed the small amount of light from my phone directly in front of my tired and shuffling feet. I’d only covered a small distance before I knew, from many nights of this same regimen, that I was getting close to the bedroom door. At this point my arm started the slow upward arc that would eventually illuminate the now pitch-black opening to the comfort of my room. The light emanating from my cell was quite dim, and this action had become quite rote, so my arc was about waist level before I noticed a slight variation of the familiar black of the open doorway. At that point, and in a disturbingly short amount of time, five things happened nearly simultaneously: My arm, the arm carrying the phone, continued to rise in its predetermined arc, having been an object in motion which would stay in motion. I released a small gasp and exclaimed to my husband that his sudden appearance in the dark had startled the breath from me. I remembered that my husband was at work. The light arc reached its apex on a face of protruding nail-like teeth. A face suspiciously bereft of eyes, with a gaping, oozing, bloody pit where a nose should have been. The light went out.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I'm pretty sure you can't throw a fridge...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are grey. Violets are grey. There is an entire spectrum of the world I am not privy to.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Joe: Hey, why are your counters all red and your blender looks broken? Me: The same reason why Mrs. Johnson's baby is missing. ajl

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is the only non-racist animal? The mexican panda. Why? It's black, white, hispanic, and asian.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the road crossed by the chicken? Because as an animal, incapable of understanding human languages and consequently lacking in education, it was unable to understand the convention of not using the passive voice in English prose writing.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink Bartender: Why the long face Man: My wife was recently killed in a horrible car accident Bartender: Oh my god, I'm so sorry Man: Jks I have AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yo mamma's so fat, she's self-concsious about her weight and is embarassed when people make fun of her weight which makes her escape to her only friend, food, which makes her even fatter, so she will never lose weight until society accepts her and is not so prejudice towards overweight people.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Ask me if I'm a tree. "Are you a tree?" No.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Little boy: Daddy, daddy, I know what i want for Christmas! Dad: Oh really? and whats that? Little boy: I want a bicycle! Dad: Why my son? You are already on a wheelchair...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than being short? Being a Tutsi in 1994.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar. The rabbi says "ow my head"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's blue and rhymes purple? Get Out

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red , Violets are blue You little dumb ass bitch Ain't fuckin' with yoouuuuuu

thumb_up thumb_down +3

38 studio's new game... Finance City

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side Why did the duck cross the road? I don't know. I only know why the chicken crossed the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the boy with AIDS, polio, one eye and one arm get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the tomato blush? It didn't, tomatoes are naturally red by colour.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why was justin sad? his family was murdered

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from KFC.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than The Holocaust? Nothing, The Holocaust was a dark and scary time.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How can a man go 8 days without sleeping? Sleep at night.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a bus and didn't know! The funeral was touching and sad. Everyone cried. 2 weeks later..........Johnson ended his own life.......

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A young boy walked in on his mom and dad in their room lastnight They were having a leisurely evening playing scrabble

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops