How do you cut the sea in half? You can't. There are an odd amount of letters. You would have to jeopardize the "e", but then it would no longer be "sea".

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What did the Amazonian tribesman say to the European explorer? Nothing, he was focussing on eating him.

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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What's the difference between Jesus and a painting? It only takes one nail to hang up a painting.

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What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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Why did the old man fall down the stairs? Because he wanted to impress his wife.

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What do you call a Mexican guy in America? A Mexican American

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a horse walks into a bar. the bartender says "why the long face?". the horse answers..."i'm a horse"

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How do you hurt a clown? shoot it.

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We could have had it all Rolling in the deep You have my heart inside of your hand As you've just now inexplicably ripped it out of my ribcage.

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Your mmma is so stupid when we said the drinks were in the house. She went looking for them!

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Phil, because that's his name.

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Hey, you know what would be funny? A joke.

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What is worse than getting shot in the leg? Getting shot in the head.

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what happened to those kids sandusky raped? who cares

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Why did the little boy let go of his balloon? Because I was raping his face.

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Roses are grey, Violets are grey, Everything's grey, I'm a dog.

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Why cant Sally ride her bike? Because she has ceribal pausly

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An Irishman walks into a club. "Ow, that was almost as painful as that time I walked into a bar."

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You can pick you're friends, you can pick you're nose, but you can't run over a pedestrian.

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A man and wife were having a vacation when suddenly the man falls to the floor and starts having a seizure. The woman screams "Oh my God, is there a doctor in the house?!" Then a doctor appears and helps the man with the appropriate method of handling a seizure. The doctor says everything is going to be okay.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? You set her alarm clock for a reasonable hour.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs on the doorstep? The Diabetes man

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding poo in your shoe.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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