A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Do you like fishsticks? Yes I personally think they are high in saturated fats, but to each his own Oh I thought you were asking if I was homosexual

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When the going gets tough... Commit suicide.

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A horse walks into a bar and Shits John Taffer is Pissed

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Why did the fat guy pick up a noodle from the floor with his buttcheeks? He felt like pasta.

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what happens when you throw a green rock into a yellow pond. it makes a spash.

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why did the depressed man jump off the bridge? He likes bungie jumping, and wanted to cheer himself up by doing one of his favorite hobbies

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A worm in your intestinal tract.

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What did the White guy say to the Black Guy? Nothing... he looked him up and down and spat at him instead.

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What do you say when you see a black guy? Hello,how are you today?

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Stop reading these anti-jokes and go study for your externals!

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How about that airplane food? Ive never been on a plane you tell me

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Why did the 2 black kids jump the barb-wired fence To get to the other side

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Why did the bear turn red? Because I fucking stabbed it!

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A man died in a sky-diving accident. What was the last thing that went through his mind before he died? His feet

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What do you get when you stab a six year old with a pair of scissors and a machete? A very angry, potentially murderous mother out for revenge.

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What do dragonflies do when they are a couple? One sits on the others head, causing the bottom dragonfly to have a loss of vision, and increases the weight on the bottom dragonfly, which increases the chance of both the dragonflies deaths.

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Whats worse than getting a splinter? Taking a shower at penn state

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What is green and smells like paint? Grass, it doesnt smell like paint, I lied.

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A man walks into a bar and is slowly tearing his life apart. maybe because he is drinking poisonous acid instead of beer

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What do you call a group of white males wearing hoods and setting fires? Cold

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“It doesn’t take a lot to turn me on” – William Deane

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Q: What does Jerry Sandusky and bills have in common? A: They both come in the mail

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Doctor! Doctor! Everyone seems to be stealing things! Piss off, I am a doctor not a detective you prick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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