What do you get if Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus have a baby? The apocalypse

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what's funnier than a dead baby nailed to a tree? Pretty much anything because infant mortality is in no way funny

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the chicken cross the road? To slaughter your entire family.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Three girls are walking in the woods they see tracks one thinks it is a bear the other thinks it is a deer the last one thinks it is a lion They all argue till they get hit by a train and realized they were train tracks

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's silent but deadly? A baby falling from a 10 story building

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what looks about a computer which has two wheels? a bike. i lied about the computer...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap ...in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations])That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: Why should you never let Jerry Sandusky babysit your children? A: Because, in November of 2011, Sandusky was arrested and charged with 40 counts of sexual abuse of young boys over a 15-year period. A man with this type of background does not seem like a an ideal choice for a babysitter.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why can't Hellen Keller have kids? Because she's dead, therefore does not possess the ability to bear children.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man goes to the doctor's office. The doctor says, "I have some bad news, and some worse news. The bad news is you have alzheimer's. The worse news is you have cancer." The man breaks down in tears, realizing that his life as he knew it is over, and recognizing the horrible burden he is about to become on his family, both financially and emotionally.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why was the African American man afraid of dogs? He had a terrible childhood memory of being violently dry humped by a german shepherd.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the boy miss the toilet when he was peeing? Cause he was in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's worse than falling off a horse? Falling off a cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Guy 1: Why does it smell like a wet dog? Guy 2: Because I smell like a wet dog

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Sharing means caring, Caring is socialism

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What is green and smells like paint? Grass, it doesnt smell like paint, I lied.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I will see it when I believe it, as far as your order or whatever goes, I have already taken a look, and its nothing for me, you hide behind idealism yet use cruel methods and inhuman tactics in order to justify your means, you hide behind a shell of fucking "charm" and employ people to harass others. YOU ARE NO FUCKING BETTER THAN THE REST! YOU ARE BENEATH ME! As for that sister fucking bullshit, joke is on you, I do not have a sister! I bet that was one of your fucking "Nero`s" all six billion of your fucking personality disorders. Moral: I am the FUCKING MORAL MAN! And while I do not have a sister to rape, ill get down with yours.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

your momma is so fat she eats a lot of things

thumb_up thumb_down +12

You are in a room with no doors and no windows. All you have a chainsaw and a mirror. How do you get out? You don't and will slowly die a painful death of asphyxiation.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

roses are red violets are blue, were stuck to gather like superglue in tell you get the flu, then I'm not touching you :)

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do my feet smell? Oh wait. They can't. Feet are not sentient independent beings and therefore cannot experience the five senses, including smell.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

a man was beating his wife his wife asks him to stop he says no and continues beating her

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: why did the chicken cross the road A: you are adopted

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops