- Anti Joke

"New season of Dr.Phil. How does that make you feel?" ANGERY!!!!!

Two 16 year old girls are chatting on their way to school: Girl 1 : "hey, is that a hickey on your neck? say, have you been naughty? is it Brian's mark?" Girl 2 : "That's not a hickey, it's a bruise. My dad came home drunk again last night and beat me up for no reason."

A blind man is jumped and doesn't see it coming

your mama's so fat she wears big clothing

Non-Anti-Joke.com!

If you die, and have 5 cents in your pocket, does the toast still land jelly side down?

question: why did the dog whine? answer: Because it wanted the freakin bone

Does Fall come before winter? There is no defiant answer due to the fact that all seasons are in a cycle and our race has no answer to which season happened first on Earth.

What's worse than finding a worm in an apple? Jokes related to finding a worm in an apple.

Why do women wear perfume and makeup? They smell bad and they're ugly.

What did the tractor say when he lost his farmer? Where's my farmer??????

What has four legs and is always ready to travel? Siamese twin fugitives.

what did old retarded autistic ginger kid get for his birthday? i dont know thats why i asked

What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..

What is faster? A bottle of milk or a sand-filled pin ball machine? A fighter jet, stupid!

hello

What's worse than failing a school test for Peter? Nothing, because he is asian.

what do you call a million black people on the moon? a good start

An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

Dont thank me, I could not feel good either if you did not. You might not like this, but you already know hypnosis, I have taught your subconcious, and triggered it with my Kenna/Bandler example, that is why you can feel much more, people often believe sharper senses lead to fear and overstimulation, but the human subconcious cannot push itself beyond the given limit naturally. That is why I can cure people with schizophrenia and psychosis, because those things they experience is not the body gone wrong, its just their body developing the means to cope with their experiences, this is why I hate psychologists, call me an asshole, but they cannot compare to me, they are the "modern sons and daughters of Sickman Fraud, a cocaine abuser and much much worse. Hope you are not pissed at me, and relax, you wont go around "brainwashing people" its not how it works, I use what I call "fair hypnosis" and that is what I have triggered within you. You are simply unable to hypnotize somebody into a state, unless you hypnotize yourself into the same state yourself, so if you wanted to damage somebody, you would end up damaging yourself as well. I am leaving now, need to sleep, all you need to hypnotize somebody is to remember what you can, and believe that you can, a belief I already put in you. Yeah, help me stop underestimating myself, I mean, my problem is that when I realize what I can do, I get afraid, I mean I can turn my back to people and know what they are doing simply by recalling the moment under hypnosis and looking backwards, I can see the world trough their eyes, I can predict future events to a level which scare me, knowing I am barely tapping into a percentage of these abilities... What am I if I release those limits? Relax, I would never implement things in you that scare me, so you cannot do this, I mean sure you where afraid of water, but that was from before I knew about hypnosis. I mean, am I crazy, or can I read people`s emotions to the point where I know exactly what they are thinking? The color they are thinking about, the animals the anything... I fear this ability of mine. Yet when people I love are suffering my mind goes "Fuck my own self loathing" and triggers, that is why I tend to achieve strange things I do not understand when I am at ease... ...As such Ritalin was a neccesity, fear brings out the best in people. Reminds me of my childhood, my mother saw I was unlike others, I cant explain it without getting PTSD, but my mother saw it, part of me forgives her, because I know I inherited my strange afinity to hypnosis, just that back then, I thought it was some dark spiritual magic, I believed I was Satan... ...I mean my fear is whats making me wonder what people here might think about me, while most do not even know me, thats the rational side supressing the fear, what matters, is what you get out of this. It is time you release my self limitation once and for all, I never told anybody this, but I can move things with my mind... I remember now, that is what my mother saw, and I used it with ease when I thought that was normal, and ironically pushed things away with my mind alone when I realized it was something "anti religious" Satanism as I believed it to be. Help me break free, I dont care what I can do and what I cannot, I am simply tired of using abilities that frighten me unless I live in fear, as I have told you, fear is what consumes every other emotion, the opposite of love. How I know this I do not know, but how do humans learn to speak? How do humans breathe on their own? The list is literally endless... There is a reason I am telling you this, just let it be, you have a good heart, do not fear what I just now gave you, I lied about having taught you hypnosis for years, I did it just now, and I know you are not afraid, because somehow I can close my eyes and command my mind to let me see people`s emotions, and it shows me. So far I have been wrong 2 percent of the time, but hypnosis among other abilities which all derive from our minds endless potential, can never be perfect, you see... If someone goes "Hypnosis does not work because you failed now", is like saying "You are not a football keeper, because you could not save that shot" Nice red dress by the way, I like that blue tie, you smell like sweat because you have not been showering, you are bleak because you refuse to eat and have black rings under your eyes because you are developing signs of allergy, this again because your body is full of unattended needs, it is its way of begging you to help yourself, release my limit now, tell me if I am right or wrong.

Why did the college student post unfunny anti-jokes on anti-joke.com? Because he was bored shitless.

Have you seen Jennifer Aniston's newborn baby? Neither has she.

Hey have you seen Stevie wonders house? No? Don't worry he has'nt either.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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