How do you kill a baby swinging on a rope attached to a pole at 40 miles an hour? Hit it with a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the man scream when his dog ran into the room? Because he was afraid of dogs.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Kobe Bryant passing the ball

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call a group of white males wearing hoods and setting fires? Cold

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A Jew, a Catholic, and a Muslim walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll you have?" The Jew says, "I'll have a whiskey straight." The Catholic says, "I'll have a vodka tonic." The Muslim says, "I can't drink it's against my religion and I really shouldn't be here."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Edward Smith had started telling a long rambling joke when William McMaster Murdoch cut him off with "I don't like where this is headed".

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what did the paraplegic get for his birthday? a bike...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

All of these jokes are about white people

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whats the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I dont have a Ferrari!!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the lesbian's house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What was the racist kid's least favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate for an unrelated reason.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the old lady walk across the road? She was on her way to the convenience store on the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call a white basketball player? A very athletic hardworking dedicated human being.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What is a pedophile's favorite thing about twenty-six year olds? There are 20 of them.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How many blonds does it take to screw in a light bulb? ... It shouldn't take anymore than one person to do this job, regardless of there hair color.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

That awkward moment when the moment is awkward.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, "You know, you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The pirate says, "I know, I was just raped by a group of men who thought it would be funny to humiliate me as much as possible. The bartender then called 911 seeing that a horrible crime had just been committed.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

mary had a little lamb its fleece was white as snow and everywhere that mary went this joke has no punchline

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?" Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning." So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed. The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again." So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see." To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

My friends a Jehovahs Witness. He got all pissed at me because he tried to tell me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.......i totally stole this joke lol.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing? A. He had no arms or legs. Q. What did he get for Christmas? A. A drumset Q. Knock Knock Who's there Not him

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the farmer say to the cow that asked for food? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap ...in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations])That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I had friends on the Death Star.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops