What did the little boy say to a stranger? Nothing. He is very shy, and his parents always said to never talk to strangers.

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why did the money fall out of the tree... because he was dead

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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A black man, a mexican man, and a caucasian man, walk into a bar with handguns. The three break out into a gun fight and everyone is killed in the cross-fire

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What's big, white, and kills niiggers? Hurricane sandy

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How many times have I said the word shingles? twelve.

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How do you stop a baby crying? You don't. Just walk away.

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Q: What did little Timmy get from his mother this Christmas? A: The contents of her will.

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Women's rights.

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roak

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya Who? Dot Com.

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Why did the black man walk into the catholic church? He was catholic.

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how many members of the australian greens party does it take to write legislation? none, it's already been done for them by Karl Marx

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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer walk into a bar. They order some drinks, sit quietly and stare at their shoes until they've finished their drinks, then go back home and wallow in loneliness, wishing their social skills weren't so abysmal.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I just shot up a plaground Now Im heading to an orphanage

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A horse walks into a bar. "Why the long face?" the bartender asks. The horse kills everyone in the bar and stampedes the other horses into town.

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How do you teach a blond how to cook? You give her a cookbook, a kitchen, and maybe turn Paula Dean's show on.

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What do you call a black man in green shoes and a yellow hat ? Nothing,thats just him pursuing in his own regular casual outfit there for you would just notice him as a normal man walking around with shoes and a hat on so there is nothing to call him

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your mumma so fat when she stepped on the scales it said her phone number

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Why is mario red? His mother beat him as a child.

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What did the mom say to her daughter? I love you.

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Whats black and white and red all over? A chopped up dalmation...

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What do you call 100 dead babies in my garage? Murder.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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