Why did lady gaga set her alarm? So she could get up in the morning.

What is the difference between a Jew and a Pizza? One is food the other, fuel.

Everyone lies about agreeing to the terms of service... look, I'll do it right now! because i have to click it in order to post the joke.

This guy walks up to the bartender, and says to him, " ill bet you $100 that i can piss in this cup from 20 ft away." The bartender laughs, thinking hes gonna get an easy 100 bucks. he says "ok, u do that and ill watch." the guy says "ok but one second." he then walks over to this table full of guys and the bartender see him and them whispering and shaking heads. then the guys walks back over, and says to the bartender, "ok here i go" then he whips out his wang and starts pissing all over the place,all over the bartender, the counter, everywhere but the cup. Meanwhile the bartenders laughing, because he thinks he made some easy money. then the bartender asks the guy for his money and the guy says, "alright one minute." then the guys walks over to the table full of guys and they al start pulling out money and give it to him. so the guy walks over to the bartender and says, "here you are, your 100 bucks" the bartender notices him smileing and says "u just lost 100 bucks why are you happy?" and the guy says, " you see that table full of guys over there? well, i bet them all $500 dollars that i could piss all over you, your counter and all of your things, and that youd not only be happy about it, but youd laugh!!!"

Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? I was eating an orange in the park last week when I saw four men brutally murdered before my very eyes.

knock, knock no one answers man goes home and shots himself because he feels alone

Why did the girl not apply for her American CItizenship? She was already an American Citizen.

One kid clicks his pen. The kid sitting next to home clicks his pen. They next 3 kids click their pens. The teacher walks by and says "monkey see monkey do." And the kid that first clicked his pen responded and says "monkey pees all over you."

whos got a massive fukkinn melon...B.I.M

So this guy tells me he hasn't had a bite in weeks. So i bought him lunch.

your matriarchal component is so overweight that her body mass index is over the desired level for her height and age

Q. why didnt the boy get a christmas present from his dear grandmother? A. because she died on thanksgiving

What do you call a Black Comedian? Funny, You Racist.

Why did the man cross the road? He was obviously trying to get to his work, however he realized he was jaywalking in front of a cop and had to pay a fine and ended up being late to work.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I.

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, and have a stimulating discussion about economics

Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A:Because it is scary

Why did Hitler smell the flower? Chicken dick.

Roses are green Violets are yellow I have mental problems Doobah haga Blakatrabbit

What do gay horses eat?........ Cheese

Kate

Whats big, hairy, and super long? My big toe you pervert.

What does the time bomb say to the idiot? Nothing, time bombs are inanimate objects and therefore can't speak.

whats the best thing about fukkin twentyone year olds...theres twenty of them

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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