How do you wake up lady gaga? You set her alarm clock for a reasonable hour.

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Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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what did the unicorn say to the centaur? nothing because neither exist

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Q: How do you make Kobie Bryant cry? A: Kill his family.

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What's worse than dropping your ice cream? The Holocaust

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I walk in to a bar, ask for a beer, get drunk, walk away and.... hmmm.. how could I finish the joke??..

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How do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot.

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A man takes a bite into a tuna casserole and burns his tounge. He is also a hermaphradite.

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Why did Jim not go to the park and play football with his Dad today? His dad got hit by a bus and lost his legs

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What did John name his dog? Doggy

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whats orange and cant talk? an orange

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Why did the man throw his son out the window? His house was on fire

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Ok

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An American, a French man, and Jew were all in an airplane about to skydive. Their skydiving instructor comes out and says, "I'm sorry, there seems to've been a mistake and we only have two parachutes." The company refunds them, and they, while reasonably disappointed, agree to reschedule the lesson.

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Have you heard about the hipster paleontologist? He liked dinosaurs better when they were underground.

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What's worse than tornadoes in the USA? Earthquakes in Japan.

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Q. What do you get when you cross a bird with a human? A. Arrested.

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hey guess what? what ur gay! how did you know ive been in the closet for 5 years!?

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Whats pink and silver and runs into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes. Whats green and silver and sits in a corner? The same baby three weeks later.

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Guy walks into a bar. He orders a drink called "Vampire poison". The bartender gives him the drink. The man drinks it and dies. No he was not a vampire, he was just a man with a history of heart failures.

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How do you torture helen keller? Waterboard her.

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Your momma is so black that she probably has ancestors indigenous to Africa.

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Bill went into a store and bought a bagel. However, after eating it, he realizes he meant to buy a doughnut. He tells the cashier that he meant to order a doughnut, and asks for his money back. The cashier says no and the man leaves.

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Is your refrigerator running? Yes. Ok good, just checking. It would be a shame for your perishable foodstuffs to go bad.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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