How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? 3, according to Mr. Owl

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A blonde, brunette, and redhead live in the same neighborhood. They are Desperate Housewives

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why did the man hop everywhere? He only had one leg

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Your Adopted Deal With It!!!

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a

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

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What is funny about civil and women's rights? Nothing, they are very serious matters.

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What did the contestant say to the game show host? If I don't win I will arrange to kill your family.

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In Soviet Russia... ...there are many buildings and landmarks for the viewing.

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How many babies can fit in a dumpster? Let's not find out...

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What do I hate? people

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What do you call 10 dead babies in a blender? A horrible, horrible child abuse incident.

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Why didn't the Ginger love the pretty girl? Her attitude and personality weren't very similar to his so he presumed the relationship wouldn't work out. Uh...........stingray.

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What's worst than finding a worm in your apple? A fat kid sitting on you

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A blonde walks into a bar. She enjoys a refreshing, cold beverage with friends before returning home to sleep ahead of another day of hard work as a scientist.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse replies "my whole family was killed in 911... And I used the money I got from life insurance to get plastic surgery to always have a smile on my face. My doctor botched the surgery, so now my face is elongated. Even for a horse, of course."

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Why did Little Timmy eat Smarties before school? Because he was hungry.

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What do you call Metta World Peace after he has hit somebody? Metta World War.

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Why did the little boy throw rocks at his sister? ...Because she has cancer.

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A horse walks into a bar. He politely holds the door for a young woman.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms.

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Why did the boy fall out of the tree? He died Why did the other boy fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first Why did the third boy fall out of the tree? Prepressure

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What is invisible and smells like rabbits? Bunny farts.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops