Why did the rapper carry an umbrella? Because the weather report said there was a 90% chance of rain, and he didn't want to get his posh new coat wet on the way to the studio

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down +1

3 guys were caught trespassing in a field and were sent to jail. The cop asked the first guy, "What were you doing in the field? He replied, "I was blowing bubbles" The cop asked the second guy, "What were you doing in the field?" He replied, "I was blowing bubbles" The cop then asked the third guy, "Lemme guess, you were blowing bubbles too? The guy replied, "No silly, I am Bubbles!"

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: Whats pointy and sharp and rhymes with life? A: A spear. It's close enough.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's the best part of the 1980s? They're over.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because it was in the oven because the farmer was cooking it for dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what does the doctor do when he tells you you have aids? he laughs and says "hahahahahhaha sucks for you, i dont!"

thumb_up thumb_down +1

If I told you I was straight I'd be lying

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Roses are red, yup.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Casey Anthony kills a baby

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A wise man once told me that friends are like cookies. He was a cannibal.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Ask me if I care. Do you care? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Roses are red Violets are blue Chrome won't stop crashing randomly F*ck Chrome

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's black and has ne education? A tire.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A black man is running down the street with a purse in his hand. He was trying to catch up to the old woman who forgot it at the restaurant. She was very grateful.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what do you call a mexican with a rubber blanket cold

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man walks into a bar. He then says "ow".

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you get when you mix a turtle and a dog An animal

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Well, I feel that I've stepped outside my comfort zone.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What happens to a blonde girl who is buying drugs off of a drug dealer? Nothing, she was an undercover police officer trying to arrest said drug dealers on the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Friends are a lot like trees They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How Many Chickens does it take to make an egg? NOrmally 2

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q Why did the feminist cross the road? A To suck my dick

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops