An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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Why was the black man afraid of leaving his house? Because he has severe agoraphobia and cannot function normally in society.

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a horse is a horse. of course of course....unless its a cow

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Q: What do you get when you have water, sodium C14-16 olefin sulfonate, glycerin, disodium lauroamphodiacetate, polysorbate 20, cocamidopropyl, betaine, PEG-6 Phenoxyethanol, PPG-15 Stearyl, Ether, Citric Acid, isocateth-20, Fragrance, Methylparaben, Tetrasodium EDTA, Xanthan Gum, Propylparben, Ethylparagen, and Camelia Sinensis Leaf Extract? A: All New Clean & Clear Oil Free Make-up Dissolving Foaming Cleanser.

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Why did the cow cross the road? He probably saw a delicious looking patch of grass on the otherside.

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Knock knock stop knocking you idiot, it's the 21st century

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Q: How do you get a blonde out of a tree? A: Throw a moneky at her

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A man is driving down the highway. He falls asleep at the wheel due to his case of narcolepsy, and dies in a fiery car crash.

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Why cant Helen Keller drive a bus? Cuz she's dead!

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What's worse than being in the Holocaust? Dying in the Holocaust.

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A musician without any music walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Who do you think you are, a hobbit?" The musician without any music says,"yeah" and turns into a hobbit

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What's worse than stepping in tar? Getting your face ripped off by a man sized Tarantula

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Her hair was fine, her scent was great, now show me your fucking ****.......please

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What is the difference between a Mexican and a bike? they both get hit by cars in shady neighborhoods, like Copiague, New York

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When Chuck Norris does a push up, he's working out.

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Why did the friendly not play outside? Because they were dead. Just like your dreams.

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whats on object, almost tube like that squirts thick white liquid from the top elmer's glue

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A boy got scratched by a dog and nearly killed him. When he grew up, a dog came running up to him and started biting and scratching him till he couldn't handle it. Then a plane crashed into him and he died.

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whats worse than getting lost in europe? becoming the middle in the human centipede.

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What's the difference between a BMW and a pile of dead babies? There isn't a BMW in my garage.

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A fat guy!

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How do you help a black person find a job ? Tell them places that are hiring.

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THAT AWKWARD MOMENT... nuff said

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I went to the local RSPCA office today....it's tiny, you couldnt swing a cat in it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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