Roses are red, Violets are blue, Daisy's are white, Metallica.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Can you sign for this package? Certainly

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Q. Why did the man walk away from his wife? A. Because he wanted to walk away from his wife.

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Why did little Tommy eat an apple? Because he was on a diet

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If at first you don't succeed, go kill yourself

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Whats the difference between a bottle of coke and a black man stuck in a phone booth? one of them is comparing himself to a bottle of coke, the other is a bottle of pepsi

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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A shoemaker walks into a bar holding a shoebox with only one shoe inside. The bartender gives him a drink and asks "Say mister, why are you carrying that shoebox with one shoe?" The shoemaker says "Well sir, it's a long story." The bartender says "Okay, give me the short version." The shoemaker says "Okay, long story short, I'm not really a shoemaker." The bartender asks "Well buddy, what are ya?" The shoemaker gets up from his chair and says "I'm a guy missing shoe."

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Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at his genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

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You can pick you're friends, you can pick you're nose, but you can't run over a pedestrian.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Steve. Steve who? Steve Johnson, and I'm legally obligated to inform you that I'm a sex offender.

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How do you make an ugly person not ugly? Put a bag over their head. With,, a smiley face.

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What did the pirate say to the ninja? I have aids.

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So a baby seal walks into a club.

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Why was the blonde on the train tracks? Because she was tied up by a madman on crack.

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Q: What lives in holes? A: Jerks.

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1,2,3,4,5..what comes next? yeah you should know how to count

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Why did little Timmy fall off his bike? His pace maker failed.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme. This one doesn't.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What is big white and will kill you if it falls out of a tree in winter A refrigerator

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How come the man could read the directions? Because it was right side up.

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What do u call something that's sticky and in a stick form? A glue stick :)

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What's Green And Has Wheels? Grass, I Was Just Kidding About The Wheels.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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