Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" The Irish man looks down at it, dumbfounded. "I have absolutely no idea," he says, and removes it.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Whats fuzzy and pink? A pink fuzz ball

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A little boy is going to school when he is stopped by a stranger. The stranger tells the little boy, when his teacher asks him why he is late, just say willytop. The boy looks at the stranger oddly, but proceeds to go to school. He arrives 5 minutes late, and is teacher isn't that happy. His teacher asks him why he is late. All the boy says is Willytop. The teacher looks at him horrified, and sends him to the office. Well, the boy arrives in the principals office, and the principal asks him why he was sent down. All the boy said was Willtop. The Principal was so horrified that he expelled the boy from school. Well, the boy went home, to find his parents in the living. They told the boy they knew he was expelled, but they wanted to know why. All the boy said was Willytop. The parents were so horrified by this that they kicked him out of the house. Well, the boy is now walking to dark town streets, when he is stopped by a cop. The cop asks him why he is walking the streets alone. All the boy says is Willytop. The cop is so disgusted, that he kicks the boy out of town. Well, the boy is now sitting in a bar, and the bartender asks him why he is alone. All the boy said was Willytop. The bartender looked at him horrified, but before the bartender could say anything, the boy says "Please sir, I was kicked out of school, my house and even my hometown because of willytop. what does it mean sir?" The bartender nods, and tells the boy to come with him across the street, because if he tells him in the bar, the other people may get mad. Well, the boy and the bartender are across the street from the bar. The bartender opens his mouth, but before he could speak, a drunk driver hits them both.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you call a Mexican kicking a ball? A soccer player

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the little girl have grass stains on her white dress? Because she was dragged into the forest and raped.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the 2nd monkey fall out if the tree? He was stapled to the first Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, Monkey do.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you call a black salesman? A salesman, you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

what did the chocolate bar say to the ice cream cone? nothing: chocolate bars can't talk

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did batman say to robin before they got in the car Get in the car

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Have you seen Hellen Kellers mon?... Neither has she

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How do you blind an Asian man You stab him six times in each eye socket and drop cyan pepper in his eye wound.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you call a fake noodle An impasta

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the boy fall? He got tackled by a man that was 400 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop 397, IF you have a big tounge

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Weaner

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q. how to kill the germ on a food. A. wash it with bleach.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti-Joke is a knock-off.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses are red Violets are blue I like your mom Give me some glue

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Beacuse he got kicked out of the bar

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's the difference between Newt Gingrich's cat and a hand grenade? Gingrich's cat is a domesticated quadriped mammal, a hand grenade is a small bomb that can be thrown by hand

thumb_up thumb_down -6

what this: b a dead one of these: p

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the nervous man jump out of a plane? He was sky diving.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What kind of people have fat lips? People who have gotten punched in the lip or have suffered a serious lip injury that has caused their lips to swell up.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops