Hey I just met you And this is crazy But I didn't use protection So here's your baby

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, the bear turns to the rabbit and says "I have colon cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A man walks in to a bar. He gets a cuncussion and his heath insurance isn't enough to cover his physical therapy. He dies poor and alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

full house should of been called black jack, because the Olsen twins started getting hit on at age 8 and didn't stop til they were 21

thumb_up thumb_down +38

whats purple and not a rapist barney, I lied about the rapist part

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A Chinese man, a Mexican man and an African man walk into an American bar. None of them know any English and can not order a drink. They walk out promptly, frustrated by the difficulties of living in a strange new world where they don't speak the native language.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A jew walk's into a bar. But actually it was a Gas chamber.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What do you call a group that has a microphone, a bass, two guitars and a drum kit? A Band

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What do you call a jewish person at a construction site? A builder

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Your mothers so stupid she is retaking her college courses so she can get a better job and support her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Whats the best day of the week? Sponge

thumb_up thumb_down +32

When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in someone's eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Roommate 1: I want to make food but I'm not going to Roommate 2: Why not? Roommate 1: Because I'm tired and lazy.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But this one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down +32

why can't Michael Jackson bake a pie???? Because he's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +30

How many Woman does it take to change a lightbulb? none they had a back up lamp

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What is brown and sticky?… A shit…

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A man in a wheelchair walked into a bar. No he didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A man goes to his doctor and says, "Help me, my wife thinks she's a chicken." The doctor recommends a nearby psychiatrist to analyze the wife's mental instability, and inevitably she is housed in an insane asylum. The husband commits suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

So a train conductor is going at 70 mph to to a destination 50 miles away. He goes over 3 hills, one at 20 mph, the other 42 mph, and the last at 63 mph. He crosses 2 bridges at 47 mph each. What did the train conductors mom eat for dinner that night Nothing she had cancer and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did Goldilocks ask the Three Bears? Nothing, bears are aggressive mammals and killed her before she could speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did the squirrel fall out the tree? It was dead Why did the second squirrel fall out the tree? It was stapled to the first squirrel Why did the the third squirrel fall out the tree? Peer pressure Why did the fourth squirrel fall out the tree? It thought it was a game Why did the tree fall over? It thought it was a squirrel Why did the postman die? He got hit in the head by four squirrels and a tree

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops