Roses are red, violets are blue shut the hell up, and sit the hell down

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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What starts with P and ends in ORN Popcorn!

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What's long hard and full of seman. A submarine.

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what did the man with Alzheimer's say to his son? who are you!?

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Why did a black man toss a bowl into the air? Because he just got it from the microwave and it was extremely hot.

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My dad calls me a son of a bitch and I'm like "hey! You married her"

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Who found Anne Frank? The Nazis

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whats big and white and falls from the sky\ Refrigerator

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Whats the difference between the Taliban and a Football Team? I'm not on the football team.

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Why does Michael J. Fox always have his martinis shaken? He thinks they taste better that way.

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Q: What's worse than biting into and apple and finding a worm? A: being severely malnourished, thus physically inept to do most simple tasks

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A man runs into a bar and yells "Ow!!" He is hospitalized due to severe trauma to the head and spine.

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Why did the jew save his money? Because his wife has cancer and the radiation treatments are very expensive.

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How many times do you have to make an ass of yourself before you look like a retard and thinking ''random'' means funny? Fuck yourself HAHAHAHAHA seriously stahp

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Why didn't the TV turn on? Nobody switched it on.

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? Were both lawyers.

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What do you call a mailman who doesn't deliver mail? Unemployed

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What kind of mother doesn't do laundry? A dead one.

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Two guys walk into a bar. They are knocked out and rushe to hospital because the bar was metal.

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today in aa we were telling stories one of them was: that a girl put a wet cat (to dry it) in the oven

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Why was little David sad? His father got hit by a truck.

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What's the difference between a jew and a boyscout? Boyscouts came back from camp

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Why was the little boy bald? Because he had leukaemia

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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