Q: Why cant Helen Keller drive? A: Because shes dead.

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how did the bling man cross the street? He didn't half way there he tripped and got ran over by a car.

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You know how we have iPods? OJ Simpson strangled his wife.

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Why did Hitler go to the hospital? Because he shot and poisoned himself.

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A man walks into a bar, orders a few drinks and becomes drunk. the bartender calls a taxi and the man is driven home.

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Whats big, hairy, and super long? My big toe you pervert.

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What was the latino gardener doing? Working hard to keep his job in these tough economic times.

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What's red and puts out fires? A fire truck? Oh, you've heard this joke before.

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a Mormon knocked on my front door three times, and i took three seconds to answer, whe shook hands for three seconds. how many dead kittens can fit in my blender?

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what's worse than two dead babies? three dead babies.

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Why did man push another man off of a building? Because he is a homocidal maniac and should be in federal prison

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Military intelligence.

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Two men are waiting for the traffic light to cross the road. One looks at the other and says 'Hello!' The other replies 'Hello!'

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Yo' momma's so fat that when she steps on the scales the number seen to appear is proportionately larger than that seen to appear when the average human steps on them.

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Want to hear a joke? Justin Bieber

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what did the homeless man get for Christmas? Cancer

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Why did the girl fall off the swing set? Because she had no arms.

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What is worse than a little girl being raped by an old man? The accidental firing of nuclear weapons at the US and the US responding by launching nuclear missiles at an unknown enemy then assuming that targeting everyone will kill the enemy. Thus bringing an unprecedented and abrupt end to the world, in a cataclysmic nuclear holocaust. Leaving that little girl to be raped by mutated creatures - that survived the mass destruction - and eventually being consumed by those creatures.

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How do you make the perfect anti-joke? Don't tell it.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot turned into a loaf of bread.

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How do you give a 90 year old woman a pap smear? You don't

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-hey sam look what mom gave me for christmas -what eli? -a new baseball bat -thats your prosthetic leg silly

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What do you call a used garden tool? A dirty hoe (not ho)

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What did one duck say to the other? Well, it said "Quack" but it's not certain if it was actually addressing the other duck or if it was just making a noise in response to some other stimulus.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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