If life throws you lemons Catch them

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A tourist is hungry, so he asks a stranger to point him to the nearest McDonald's. The stranger points to the McDonald's across the street. As the tourist crosses the street, he gets hit by a car AND DIES. McDonald's kills.

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Q: What do cooks do for a living? A: Eh muffin.

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Why did the baby cross the street? It was stapled to the chicken

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What's black and white and red all over? A Giant Panda that has been killed by poachers.

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What has two legs and is red all over? Half a cat.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting Cow. Interru--- MOO! I'm so sorry, I have Tourette's Syndrome and cannot control these sudden outbursts. Please continue.

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What do you call a man that was decapitated by a stray saw blade? An ambulance until when you have a reality check and realize that in the mass hysteria of witnessing such a horrific event that this man is already dead. You then callan undertaker, his family and his friends to attend his funeral in a week or so. You then walk over to him and cry.

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Lockerbie bombing

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What is worse than a worm in your apple? The holocaust

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Q. What do Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A. Same middle name.

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Your mom is so fat, she has sleep apnea.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was running. From the forest. That hell hole. He had got away, but he could remember. The darkness. The silence. Until the unmistakable scream of the guns and then- The Running. The Screaming. The Blood, oh the blood. Seeing Charlie. Oh, that damned soul Charlie. The bullet went right- But that was long ago. So long. But sometimes, in the silence, Chicken remembers. The Running. The Screaming. The Blood. And he screams.

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Q:What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? A: It varies. But most dental offices are open for service between 8am and 4pm

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There once was a genie With a sevenfoot weenie And he went to the lady next door She thought it was a snake So she hit it with a rake And then he murdered the shit out of her.

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How many jews do you need to change a lightbulb? -One.

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An iguana walks out of a bar

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Two men are talking at a bar. They both order the same drink but are charged different prices. Angered, one of them men confronts the bartender. A fight breaks out and the bartender is seriously injured.

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A baby seal walks into a club...

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

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How do you make $10,000 in 1 day? I don't know, but I wish I did.

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How do you make the perfect anti-joke? Don't tell it.

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What did the boy with Aids pray for? A gun

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A man was driving to work when he realized he hadn't told his wife happy anniversary. He turned the car around to head back home only to remember that their anniversary was on Friday, not Thursday. The man shared some nervous laughter with himself as the radio played in the background. He continued on toward work and had a run of the mill day meeting with potential clients.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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