You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't eat your friends Nose it is!

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Knock Knock? Whos there? Not Madeleine McCann.

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A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

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Whats worse than a mother of 3 children, jumping off a bridge, smashing into the metal roof of a large car and dieing on impact? A mother of 3 children jumping off a bridge, smashes into the metal roof of a large car, survives,, becomes paralyzed, and has to explain to her children, why she is in a wheel chair for the rest of her life.

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Nero, man, I mean I will hurt you, I am on my way to the hospital, and seriously that pic does not look real, seriously on a hospital? I mean man, I am really sorry! I nearly killed you, how was i supposed to know you do not care about your teeth and take half a bottle of that calcium stuff? My mom? Yeah sure! She laughed at the message you sent her, and if you touch my sis, ill kill you, anyway I am on my way, you better change your mind or I will kick your ass!

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A pretty funny pick-up line that probably doesn't work: "Hey, do you work at Little Caesar's? Because you're hot and I'm ready.

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A black man walked out a window of a 20 story building a detective arives at the scene it was night time and he said wheres the body.

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Why did the guy go to the store? He really doesn't want you to know every detail of his life.

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Whats black, white, and read/red all over? What? Michael Jackson after his surgery.

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What's gay black & Jewish? The Ku Klux Klan

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A man finds a lamp in the desert. He picks it up and dusts it off. The lamp becomes cleaner.

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What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny? Nothing. Nothing happens when you insert batteries backwards

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When life gives you melons you may be dyslexic.

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What is round and bad-tempered? A vicious circle

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Q. What's the difference between a clock and an elephant? A. A clock doesn't have limbs, muscles or a respiratory system.

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How many Mexicans does it take to cross the border? Don't answer, just think and laugh.

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What did the girl with cancer get for her birthday? Hairspray.

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What do you call a Mexican flying a plane? A pilot

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What goes down well with whiskey? Pedestrians

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Q:Why don't black people go on cruises? A:They already fell for that trick once.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping in Milwaukee? They woke him up.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To run away from a fat emo girl with a knife

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What's better than winning a gold medal in the paralympics? Walking.

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Why was the prostitute's throat sore? Allergies.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops