Why did the black man wash his feet? PHOIT!!!! He washed his feet in a bird bath... Too bad his car got thrown off a cliff by a bald eagle with no feathers?

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Blonde: Hey, what does "Idk" mean? Blonde's friend: "I don't know" Blonde: Thank you for telling me, that has been bothering me for quite some time now.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

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A moose walks into a store, walking up to an employee he says "Where are the potatoes?" The employee replies "Isle 5." The moose thanks the employee and heads off to find Isle 5. Upon reaching isle 5- he finds no potatoes.

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How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Let's ride bikes!!

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what did the black guy say to the white guy? black guy: hello how are you doing white guy: good i guess.... just heard they shut down KFC black guy: that sucks

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? a guy who copies antijokes on ant joke.com

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Q: What did the Jewish man get for Christmas? A: Nothing, he's Jewish.

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there are seven of us," reply the babies, "now get us a round of bloody marys

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Why'd The Little Kid Drop His Ice Cream Cone? Because He Witnessed His Mom get Raped in front of his house by the man driving the ice cream truck and the realized that he was licking frozen semen......

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What do you call a mix between a mexican and a octopus? Actually, at this moment in time it is physically and morrally impossible to do such a thing. Scientists have yet to find a way to split the genes and create a cross species. lol jk its called a moctapus.

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What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? Wanted by the police.

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How do you blindfold an Asian person? With a blindfold

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What's worse than getting murdered? Getting murdered twice? - Louis

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Q. What's smarter then the smartest woman in the world? A. A retarded seal, or pretty much anything else.

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What's the difference between meat and fish? You can't beat your fish.

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Roses are red Violets are blue We decapitated some little children Now I'm in jail too.

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Why are New Yorkers hated on so much? Becuase the Yankees suck ass.

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Q: Whats better than not being a Jew? A: Being a Jew.

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Roses are red, Facebook is blue, we have mutual friends, and violets are blue and roses are red. FRIDGE

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Why did the parents tell their adopted son to go to bed? He was awake long after he should've been, according to the rules in their household.

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Where does Charlie Sheen buy his clothes? Winners

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what did the chickpea say to the raison when he got called big but? Atleast i dont have a stick up my but.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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