How do you kill a shark blindfolded? You untie the blindfold.

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Your mother is of a healthy weight and a pleasure to be around.

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You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends but you can't wipe your friends on the couch.

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Do not be unreasonable now, as for the twenty five million dollars, it is the least I can do, but if we cannot agree upon acting with some reason and dignity, as refraining from insults, then no conflict will ever be solved... ...I will send you my contact information shortly, expect the money within the week, three or four days tops. Would you be interested in learning more about our order? We make good use of people such as you. With all due respect, I would not exactly lend my sister to anybody that brags about engaging into intercourse with his own sister.

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1: Knock, knock 2: Go away!

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To mama's so fat when she went to Dairy Queen she Ordered a blizzard.

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How does a t-rex eat spaghetti? He didn't he ate a velocaraptor instead.

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What do you call a flat-chested woman with a penis? A man.

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what are you talking about. Nets are terrible. Lakers are going to be the best.

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A Chinese man and an African man walk into a bar. Its good to see so much multiculturalism in a usually racist society.

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What's one plus one? two.

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João Duarte reads this.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red head walk into a bar. It is a coincidence that none of them have the same hair colour.

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What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? There is none, one is a female human being with blonde hair and the other is a headlamp with a halogen lightbulb.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

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Why did the Smartie get fired from the M&M factory? For throwing out all the W&Ws

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What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungee cord? My ass

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Why did the guy fall asleep? Because he's in a coma.

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What's more funny than 10 dead babies in the bottom of a trash can? 1 dead baby in the bottom of 10 trash cans...

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Your mom is so ugly, Ew.

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your mom gave me head.....phones

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how do goldfishes drown? you pull them backward water fills there lung and there die

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Teacher: What is 1+1? Student: 2 Teacher: Next time raise your hand before answering a question.

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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