Hey Patrick what am i ? Ebola No im Texas! What's the difference?

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? wheres my tractor

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Why couldn't little Jimmy play catch with his dad? Because he was an orphan.

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whats the diferrence between a bush and an old lady? it be wierd if a bush had an old lady.

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What's short, ruthless, and asian? Kim Jong Ill

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Why didn't gram-pa give his grandson a Birthday present? Because he had Alzheimer's and forgot about him.

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Give her a cheese-grater and tell her it's a book.

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Why does a squirel swim on his back? Because it was trying to keep his nuts clean

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What did the marshmallow say to the other marshmallow? We are both bananas.

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Q: What present did the Taliban's wife get on the islamic holiday A: a beating

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what did one waiter say to the other? were waiters.

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An american, canadian, and mexican are on a skyscraper. Canadian: (pulls off maple leaf) we have to many of these in our country (throws off building) Mexican: (pulls out burrito) we have to many of these in our country (throws off building) American: (looks at mexican) we have to many of these in our country (pushes mexican off building)

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There is my brain said the English man stop leaving it in the fridge and let me mug you now get in the car OK!

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theres a fork in a drawer half way open and a knife in a cup on the counter. how does the knife get into the drawer, it cant knife are incapable of moving

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What do you call 1000 black men walking down a street? The million man march

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what is so funny about billy? nothing he is dead and if you laught at him you are the biggest jerk by: Brennan pickrell

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Knock knock Who's there? Me Me who? Me me Oh

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Whats the worst thing your parents could ever do to a teenager? Take there phone.

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Man: Knock knock Man 2: who's there Alzheimer's patient: to get to the other side!

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What starts with 'd' and ends in 'ick'? dick -XH

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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Two 16 year old girls are chatting on their way to school: Girl 1 : "hey, is that a hickey on your neck? say, have you been naughty? is it Brian's mark?" Girl 2 : "That's not a hickey, it's a bruise. My dad came home drunk again last night and beat me up for no reason."

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The Qur'an

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Do you know what has always angered me about people not choosing to control their own lives Nero?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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