q: whats fat hairy and always eats mcdonalds a playboy model i lied about everything

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What do you call a man with no legs? A paraplegic.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Q: what do you call an icy road? A: dangerous

thumb_up thumb_down +30

I'm not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical. Hey! Don't get all religous on me.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q:What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? A: It varies. But most dental offices are open for service between 8am and 4pm

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was running. From the forest. That hell hole. He had got away, but he could remember. The darkness. The silence. Until the unmistakable scream of the guns and then- The Running. The Screaming. The Blood, oh the blood. Seeing Charlie. Oh, that damned soul Charlie. The bullet went right- But that was long ago. So long. But sometimes, in the silence, Chicken remembers. The Running. The Screaming. The Blood. And he screams.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did the mute guy say to the deaf guy? *awkward silence* What did the deaf guy say to the mute guy? *Awkward silence....huh?*

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did the man with paranoid schizophrenia say? I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because after death the body loses control of muscles and the monkey could no longer grasp the branch with his tail

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the boy get hit by a car? Because he didn't look both ways

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Knock Knock. Who's there? Madame. Madame who? Just kidding it's Steve, but my damn foot's stuck in the door.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

what do you call a fish with no gills? I dont know what youd call that creature...but its no fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's black and white, and red all over? A police car. Well, maybe it's not red all over. Just that little light on top. Oh, and the tail lights.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

One day, Little Timmy asked his mother this question, "Mommy, why are boys and girls different?" She responded, "You're adopted and Santa Claus is dead."

thumb_up thumb_down +24

If Life gives you melons, then I think your dislexic

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Knock knock! Who's there? Fed-Ex. We have a package for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you call a man with 3 legs and one arm jumping on a trampoline? By his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did Tommy's father tell him on Christmas? Nothing, he was violently stabbed to death on Christmas Eve.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did our black president put a porch swing on the white house? He likes to swing.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Roses are gray Violets are gray I'm a dog

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q: Why was the blonde so dumb? A: Because she wasn't properly educated.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A man waltzes into a bar, waving a carrot in the air. With an arrogant air of self-importance he flops onto a highchair at the bar. Looka here, looka here, he says to the bartender, waiving the carrot at the man. Will you buy me drinks all night, if I can make this carrot... Never mind, and please leave my bar, the bartender says, pulling out a carrot from under the counter. I've got one myself.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Lacrosse

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops