what did the African baby get for his birthday?..... AIDS

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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?” The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

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What do you get when you cross a vampire and Adolf Hitler? A socially unacceptable and awkward hybrid of two unrelated, technically dead things.

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A man walks into a bar. It was a metal bar. He cracked his skull and died in the hospital shorty afterward.

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How do you make a dentist cry? Kill all his family.

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What happened to tommy for his birthday ? A new pear of shoes to put on. Tommy feet just got amputated. But it's okay... Tommy got a new comb. Tommy just got cancer. But it's okay tommy got a new pet dog... Tommy is abused by the dog I know what your thinking a dog can't abuse someone it was a cat

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Q: What is better than Vagina? A: Nothing

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A husband and a wife were having a conversation: Woman: Why is the baby on fire? Man: I dont know. Woman: BUY ME SHOES!!!!!!

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... a man has made himself a poop sandwich , refused to eat it and threw it away because it disgusted him ....

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So, two people park their car and walk into a bar. Wait, no. They were walking into a grocery store and they were riding skateboards, not a car. Then, the kid walks in after them. Oh, did I forget to mention they had children? And also, they're married. So anyway, they walk into this grocery store, and meet a barkeep. Wait no that's ridiculous why would a barkeep be in a grocery store. Let me start over. Bah.. never mind. I forgot what happened next, but it was REALLY FUNNY!

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Bill and John are talking about types of cheese. The conversation drags on a bit and slowly changes topic. Bill says "I bet you I can bungy jump off a bridge". John chuckles before replying "I bet you can't". They go and find a bridge and Bill puts on his harness and ties himself to the side of the bridge. He throws himself off the edge and falls through the air screaming at the top of his voice. John cuts the bungy cord and Bill dies.

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A: I've got a new knock knock jokes! Wanna hear it? B: Yeah. A: Oh you first. B: Knock knock! A: Who's there?

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The Duck walks up to the lemonade stand and says to the man running the stand...Hey bum bum bum....How much is the lemonade

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At 1:00AM, an old man is woken up by a knocking on the door. 'Knock knock' 'Who's there' 'An orange' The man opens the door to find a talking orange on his doorstep. The man remembers he has Schizophrenia and goes back to sleep.

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what do you call justin bieber having sex baby baby baby oh

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what is similar between a turtle losing its shell, and a man selling his chlothes and house? they are now both naked and homeless

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Two muffins are in an oven one muffin says to the other muffin "It's hot in here" the other muffin says "Holy crap a talking muffin".

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Whats blue, fuzzy and has little red dots all over? Beats me...

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Your mother sleeps around so much that I worry that she may be taking too much medicine for her insomnia.

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Youu might be a Jew if you........take part in a weekly service at your local synagogue.

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Bob: Your mama's so fat, she rolled over four quarters and made a dollar! Todd: YOur mama's so fat, here's a picture of her tied up in my basement. Todd wins the insult war.

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Why did the woman eat her sandwich. She was hungry.

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What happens to a blonde girl who is buying drugs off of a drug dealer? Nothing, she was an undercover police officer trying to arrest said drug dealers on the street.

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What did the black guy do with his gun? Shoot a deer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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