The president is invited to a party at Bill's house. Suddenly the house catches on fire. Who survived? No one, they all died.

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If i was given a penny every time i hear "It's not my fault". I will have the money equal to the nominal price multiplied by the count of times i heard that phrase.

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If life gives you lemons, you are probably suffering from hallucinations.

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Q How is it Going Patty? A:Hi Patrick hows it going?

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Whats the difference between a black man and a bucket of shit? The bucket.

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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Why did the serial killer need the knife? He needed to butter his bread

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Why is the white man sad? Because he watched the titanic

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A blind man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at the man for a moment, then asks : - Excuse me, sir. Are you blind ? And the blind man says : - Yes.

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these guys im about to shoot owen,john,henry,shawn

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Why are black people scared of chainsaws? Because the chainsaws go run nigga nigga run.

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Q: Why was jimmy's mom crying? A: Because her doctor said their were going to get rid of he cancer, 5 minutes later hey came back in and told her that he had made a mistake and that was for someone else, she was actually only had a month to live.

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What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved

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Why does the pope doesn't use this finger? (raise a finger) That's mine!

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What do you call a Jew reading a book in the library? Steve Goldberg. .

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why is lady gaga so famous? because she has a penis.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? An Irishman with a metal bar (like a pole)

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A girl is talking with her boyfriend - God, you're selfish!!! - No, i sell meat.

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm not good at poems, nice tits.

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why did billy fall down? Because he is mentaly retarted and was just plain stupid.

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Your mom is so fat that when she wears a yellow raincoat outside, people notice a rather large woman who is enjoying the weather and wearing a yellow raincoat.

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What day is it? Asked the man with a gun who dislikes music. Friday. Mostly because yesterday was thursday and tomorrow is Saturday. Sunday comes afterwards also. The man says "oh. I thought it was Tuesday."

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What did the muslim say when he boarded the plane? Where is my seat

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What's worse than nailing 10 babies to a wall? Ripping them off.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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