I can't hear you. I have carrots in my ears.

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what did Harold Camping say to the little girl and boy? "You and your parents are going to die today"

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How do you wake up your grandmother........ You don't, she had a massive heart attack and died in her sleep

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Why did little Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms knock knock who's there? Not little Suzie.

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10 kids are on a bus. It's just a normal bus, it takes the kids to school and lets them off.

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Why did the other reindeer make fun of Rudolph? He had one nut

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roses are red violets are blue i have 5 fingers the middle ones for you.

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What do you call a middle-aged Polish man on Skype? A lonely man.

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A dyslexic athiest..."'There is no Dog!"

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What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance.

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What did the cancer patient say before they died? I am in so much pain. I love you all

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? 8, 9, 10

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Josh, this is your mother. I was wondering if you wanted me to bring my lube and strapon to bed tonight. Wait never mind about the strapon because i have my dick to use.

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What do you call a fat man that breaks into your house at 2 a.m. and steals your money and your television? Probably a dumbass, a jackass, a moron, an idiot, or something in that general area.

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Q: What Did Alakazam Use To Listen Gangnam Style? A: He Used Psybeam.

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Whats the difference between pizza and a Jewish person? Pizza doesnt scream when being put into an oven.

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Pooring urine into your eyes, is a natural way to cure pink eye. Found this out this morning.

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So a jelly bean walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "whatchuu doin here jelly bean" the jelly bean doesn't respond and sits there awkwardly because he neither speaks English nor has the brain capacity to move or breathe. The bartender closes the store and comes back the next day to find the bean in the same awkward position.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? When he first entered the world, Chicken was a lonely bird. Nobody else liked him. Not even his mother. He was small and scrawny, and whenever the farmer came to feed the pigs or shear the sheep, he would get scared and hide in between two pieces of wood. One day Chicken woke up and his family was gone. Although they had never loved him, his heart was tender, and he was desperately concerned for them. After hours of searching for them, he overheard Cow speaking to Horse: "It's a tragedy, really. They were such a happy family. But now their off to the land of KFC, forever lost in the sea of chicken wings. But Chicken was determined to change his family's fate. He escaped the barn and ran into the woods. There he traveled day by day, and at night he hid from the hungry wolves. Life in the forest was tough, but no tougher than the loss of loved ones, so he kept going. On and on and on, until the forest ended and the city began. It was a new world to Chicken. He had never seen so many different buildings and contraptions. His eyes had never before held the wonder of the majesty of such a strange place. After traveling through the dangerous alleys of the city, he finally found it: the terrible land of KFC. The place where humans' dreams begin, but chickens' end. The place of horror and death and unfairness. The place that summarized Chicken's whole life. He was here now. The only thing separating him from his family was a road. A road that was so small compared to his previous trials, so incomprehensibly tiny when placed next to the gaping hole in his broken heart. So the chicken crossed the road. Then he got hit by a bus.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Answer: because he had no guts

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Why Did The Man Fall Off His Motorcycle? Because he hit a bus.

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What is black and white and can't fit through a revolving door? A nun with a harpoon through her back.

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there once was a chicken it was yellow

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Forget about them, do not compare yourself to those beneath you, you always wanted to help as many as possible, in a world where everyone fights for themselves only.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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