There are two fish in a tank and one says to the other, "how do we drive this thing?"

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why did the women leave the kitchen? Because the The husband told her to...

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why was the boy mad? He had a lot of homework that evening

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Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.

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Whats faster than a black guy with a tv? His brother who is a dentist and drives a fast sports car.

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What's brown and smells like poo? Poo.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Skeletons neither have muscles nor brains to control any muscles and therefor cannot transport themselves across a road or any stretch of land for that matter.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away Because no dog likes being called "hurrrrdhjkdhjsaklhdkhjkddssaduyiwqkhdbewcjk"

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In soviet russia, the cow milks you!

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What is small, red, and can't fit through a doorway? A baby with a spear through its head. Posted By: Lram

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Your momma's so fat: She feels uncomfortable in public due to current trends in ideal body shape and aesthetics of beauty.

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What is white and shaped like a refrigerator? A refrigerator.

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how do you see the difference between a ceiling and a floor? people dont walk on a ceiling

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How do you get a black person out of a tree? Tell them to come down

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Potassium? K.

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jeanna:fu** jack:did u just say fu** jeanna:jew? jack:fu** u jew

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when life givs you lemons you say no thank you i dont take food from strangers

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for his birthday? A bike

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What do you say when your hot chocolate is to hot? This hot chocolate is too hot.

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What's scarier than a ghost? Practically anything as ghosts aren't real.

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What's the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds? They've reached sexual peak but aren't yet past it. Plus, they still aren't in their 30's.

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What was so incredible about this bigger new oven i just bought? It could fit twice as many Jews in it. --ZeNaziGermanDoctor

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other... Uh oh. A car just ran it over.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops