how do u stop a cat from peeing on the floor? Kill it... haha

Why do asians get good grades? Because they study very hard and want to achieve success so they can provide for their families.

How do you put 100 kids on a girls face ? skeet

What did the award-winning physicist say to the community college graduate? I'll have Chicken McNuggets please.

What's the difference between an elephant and a plum? Their color. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the plums over the hill. She was color blind.

Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

Scenario: Two guys are out hunting. Two guys are walking and a one falls down. The other calls 911 and the guy still standing asks what to do. The person at the hospital told him to make sure his friend was dead, then heard a gunshot. The guy who called said "Now what do I do?"

What did one elephant say to the other elephant? Nothing. Elephants don't talk.

Whats invisible and smells lile carrots? Rabbit fart

Q. bob had 93 chocolate bars and ate 74 what does he have now? A. diabetes

One day, I was talking to a lamp on the phone, when I realized I had called the wrong lamp.

What do a pizza man and a gynecologist have in common? They are both hardworking members of the community!

What do you do when you come across a dead baby? Add it to your collection.

You know what's funny with rape? Nothing. It's horror.

A guy walks into a bar. I didn't see anything else.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting your balls chewed off by a rottweiler.

when life throws you lemons you should probably get out of the way because it will hurt

In Soviet Russia, you wouldn't have a likely chance of surviving because of Stalin's mass paranoia and total neglect for his fellow man.

What would happen if the whole world farted at once?

I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the rest of te people in his car.

what is worse than a guy pissed?

Roses are red, violets are red, tulips are red, oh shit my gardens on fire!!!

a sausage maker buys a box of cereal

what happens when Pinocchio says "My nose is growing"?

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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