Chose to describe yourself: Green thumb: Tall wealthy, good looking, intelligent man with a model wife, a ferrari expensivo, a hotel just for yourself. Red thumb: A below average piece of shit? Green thumb? Dont lie to me you piece of sh*t!

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The song Barbra Streisand has more than 2 words.

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how do you keep an idiot in suspense. I dont' know he still hasn't told me

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roses are red, violets are red, ive been shot in the eye with a pelet gun, please ,please help

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NO IT IS MINE! ALL MINE!

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What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? I don't stab pizza 47 times in the chest with a chainsaw.

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why did everyone laugh at the kid in the wheel chair as he entered the room? he was poor

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Hey, I just met you, And this is crazy. But I have Alzheimer's... Hey, I just met you...

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knock knock. Who is there? You have. You have who? Your entire family in my basement.

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an irishman walks past a bar a.w. j.p.

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A kid walks into a bar and the bartender yells, "Get Out!"

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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How many moose does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, it is biologically and theoretically impossible for a moose to climb a ladder and screw in a light bulb.

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knock knock whos there guy with a gun guy with a gun who guy with a gun who just shot you dammit

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Why did the black man eat lucky charms? Because it was breakfast time and he was hungry.

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There once was a man named bulagala moo moo boom chicka boom. Sometimes, when wipe the toilet tissue breaks and my fingers get all dirty. Good thing I have insurance!

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What's the difference between a police officer and a green dinosaur? They both aren't cabbages.

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did u ever hear a bird joke "no" hawkword

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If a man is called a manly man, what is a dude called? A dudely dude.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was suicidal.

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Q. What happened to the girl who locked her keys in her car? A. I raped her.

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What are the biggest ants in the world? Ants under a magnifying glass.

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Roses are Red Lemons are Sour Pull Down Your Pants And Give Me an Hour

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A duck walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, what can I get you?" He is then checked into the psychiatric ward at the local hospital, for talking to a duck.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops