Why did the Asian man open up a Sushi restaurant? Because he had a fetish for cumming in sushi and giving it to strangers.

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What's black and blue and is scared to death? the kid in my trunk

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What did the Atheist say in church? His best friend's eulogy.

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A man walks into a bar. Because he's had a rough day, he asks the barender for a drink. Then another... Then another... (continued) The man walks out of the bar and goes to his car. He starts to drive back to his house. He wobbly makes turns and closes his eyes every 5 seconds or so. He also talks to his boss on his phone for the majority of the ride. Surprisingly enough, he makes it home safely and doesn't harm anyone else despite the large amount he had to drink. He stumbles into his apartment and goes up to his room. He slumps down onto his bed on his back very heavily, causing the room to shake a bit. He opens his eyes, only to find his glass shandelier falling from directly above his face. His body was found by his girlfriend the next morning. I guess there's no real moral to the story then... Maybe it's: You can drink and drive, but don't put a shandelier directly above your bed... I guess? Wow. What are the odds?

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person 1: Do you have a christmas necklace I could borrow for a party? person 2: I have a one with a leprechaun.

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two penguins are hanging out in Antartica. the one looks to the other an says "man its really cold out" the other quicky waddles away because of the strange alien sound its friend just made

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Q: What did the dog say to the owner when he took him to the vet? A: Nothing. It's a dog. It can't talk.

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what is the difference between a picture of brooklyn decker and my grandma....i jack off to the picture of my grandma

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Your mom is so old that her organs are starting to slowly fail and she must be put on life support or she'll die.

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How do you get a drugged man, a giant sombrero, and a guitar into a Chuck-E-Cheese? You take multiple trips.

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A wanted man walks into a bar. The police come and take him to jail.

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Why was the man sad His got raped

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An alligator walks into a bar. The bar tender calls animal control and calmly escorts everyone out the back door.

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Why didn't Suzie ride her bike? Suzie's mother aborded her. She was never born.

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Your mom is so fat that her doctor told her to go on a diet.

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whats the difference between ian bothom and david gower? shredded wheat.

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-How do you wake up Lady Gaga? -Poke her face

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What's the difference between a Lamborgini and 100 dead babies? I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

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Why did the boy fail the math test? He has a learning disability.

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Why didn't Johnny's father come home? He was killed in Afghanistan.

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How do you tickle a tree? you dont you are a schizo stop kicking leaves

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Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there. Just kidding because today brought terminal cancer.

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What starts with F and ends with U-C-K? Firetruck

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Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he is no longer alive.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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