- Anti Joke

I was on Skype with a girl yesterday and she asked "Do you want to see something?" "No," I said "my mom's in the room and she might get a bad interpretation." "I really want you to see this." She said. " No, my mom's still in the room, she'll think I'm weird if you turn out the lights." "Darn I really wanted to see your glow in the dark snuggie."

Why are women so obsessed with not having penises? I'm serious. Imagine an ordinary woman out there, who is not doing any of the activities that the women-not-having-penises thing is famous for. But I can pretty much guarantee that under her clothes at that very moment, she isn't having a penis. And for no good reason. Sometimes I suspect women keep up the no-penis thing even in their sleep. Frankly, I find that creepy. Why are women so obsessed with not having penises?

How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

yo mama's so dumb, she had to retake the 11th grade.

What did the hose say to the sprinkler? I'm gonna squirt you.

Once upon a time, in a magical kingdom, there were too many similar jokes on anti-joke.com. One man thought he could be funny by writing a joke that referenced this, and be even funnier by referencing what he was referencing. Then he referenced that, then that, and so on until the layers of meta caused his brain to explode. Some of it landed in your mother's vagina.

If I was trapped in a closet with you and a bear, and I only had two bullets, I would shoot you twice!

roses are read violets are blue my fanny is orange I have the flu my name is gemma

You are pretty bad emulations, first of all you should all swear and cuss a lot, that way you never get green thumbs and you all get minimal attention (negative attention) from people whose messages do not concern. I mean come on, if you are all different, you gotta admit that you are all good at typing like the very same person, its just that, none of them are good at sounding as the guy they are trying to emulate.

You are the most beautiful person in the world.

One day there was 2 black guys in hoodys with knives in there hand. They tapped me on the shoulder and took my groceries. They then made me a jam sandwich and went on there way

how do you open a can of coke with no tab? throw a washing machine at it

A girl walked into a bar and sat next to a man. She asked what he was drinking. He said something that makes you fly. She didn't believe him. He then went up to the roof, jumped off and walked back in the front door. She got the drink then tried to jump off the roof, and died on impact. The bartender said to the man "You're a real asshole when you're drunk superman."

Obama Getting Re-Elected.

why did the cow go to the theater? to see the new movies pick one and have a good time.

What's do you call a prostitute in a hospital? A concerned parent.

What's the time when black men take over? Poor past never.

Q. what do you call mexican stoners A. baked beans

I'm pretty sure this site has been taken over by 12 year olds... None of these are funny

Knock Knock! Who's there? Dog Dog wh- wait how did you knock? mindblown

What's funny? A joke. What's funnier than a joke? Two jokes.

When geese migrate, why is one side of the V longer than the other? There are more birds on that side.

Why Did The Man Fall Off His Motorcycle? Because he hit a bus.

rock-a-bye baby on the treetop When the wind blows The bass will drop!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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