You know who else sucks dick? My aunt Jane. She was forced to become a prostitute after she got fired from her job.

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Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I am colorblind because Iam a dog.

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Pickup line: Hey babe, do you know what time it is? Because I don't wanna be late for class and if you told the time, it will surely help me because I'll be able to arrive early at my class not to mention it would greatly improve my punctuality efforts to help me pass the class this semester. Geez, I remember back in middle school there was a guy name Billy Jones and he used to always be late for class. His name was Billy but we called him Bill. Bill was his nickname but his real name was Billy. Anyways, he was always late for class because he would always make the best barbecue ribs in town.... (45 minutes later...) ....and I told Bill, "Man, if you were to just ask what time it was it would greatly help you in arriving to class early." And he was was like "I know but..."And then I cut him off and I said "But nothing. I don't care what kind of barbecue ribs you make, you just can't do that." So there I was, me and him, sitting down and .... (3 hours later...) ...it was awesome. Boy, I remember back in the early 90's when I was at elementary school, it was a stormy weather and we had to go to class. That's when I met Clarissa. She was a really nice girl and I remember there was a time when... (to be continued....)

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I've got 99 problems and they're all stressing me out and causing me to be very unhappy.

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What do you call a man running around town with no clothes on? Naked.

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Knock knock Who's there? Amy winehouse Amy winehouse who? Amy winehouse died by falling down a flight of stairs.

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numbers just make the funniest antijokes

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How many feet are in a yard? It depends how many people are in the yard.

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Whats black and white all over? Michael Jackson

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What did the Polish man say to his doctor? "Witam, doktorze. By?em kaszel z ostatnich kilku tygodni i jest wysypka na moim lewym ramieniu. Czy jest co? co mo?na zrobi?, aby mi pomóc?" I don't know what it means, either.

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Why are stand up comedians called stand up comedians? Because they are standing up while telling jokes, dumby.

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Why did the black man have drugs? He had a very serious medical condition that involved putting himself at a high risk at any time without proper medications, therefore he requires drugs to sustain him and hopefully prevent him from dying. To immediately believe that he was in possession of illegal drugs is a very racist assumption that is representative of one of the numerous racial problems that faces our society today.

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whats the same about a red crayon and a blue crayon? there both the same color except for the blue one

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know why the fuck he crossed the road, I don't know what he is thinking.

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How many unicorns does it take to change a lightbulb? Unicorns do not use lightbulbs, their technology (magic) is way too advanced to waste fossil fuels and pollute the air. Also, you can't change a lightbulb with hooves. ;)

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What did the group of black men do to the old white woman? Gave her back the purse she dropped.

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A used condom filled with water and left on a radiator makes an ideal and inexpensive lava lamp.

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So a train conductor is going at 70 mph to to a destination 50 miles away. He goes over 3 hills, one at 20 mph, the other 42 mph, and the last at 63 mph. he crosses 2 bridges at 47 mph each. What did the train conductors mom eat for dinner that night Nothing she had cancer and died.

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What has four legs and rocks? Your baby kitten that just got stoned to death.

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Whats worse than 20 dead babies in a garbage can? A: The smell

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How do you tell when your dog is dead? I don't know. I never had a dog and my parents beat me.

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Why did the man cross the road? Because he couldn't get his dick out of the chicken

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What did the farmer say to the chicken? Nothing, the farmer was arrested for having sex with a chicken.

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how do u get the baby to stop choking? take ur dick out of its mouth!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops