guest who else is a ugly bitch my mom

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I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the rest of te people in his car.

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Why did the pig cross the yard? Because the helicopter was chasing him.

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To mama's so fat that her escape velocity in her surface exceeds 3*10^8 m/s

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Knock, knock Who's there? It's me Me who? Just open your damn door funny guy it's freezing out here I don't get it

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What do you call a dog with no legs? A seal.

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knock, knock Who's there? Statefarm... and we are always gonna be there for you

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What does a fish and a truck have in common? Nothing. One is a fish & one is a truck.

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A boy spelled the word "banana" wrong on a spelling test... Points were deducted.

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What would Jesus say if he was alive today? “Nehwê tzevjânach aikâna d'bwaschmâja af b'arha.”

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How do you stop someone from getting cancer? Kill them.

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Guy 1: "hey look that homeless guy is riding a bike!" Guy 2 " Ya i know and look, there's a dead pro biker other there"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Macy's was having a giant sale.

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E M I L Y L Y N C H B I L L I E J E A N L A R K I N YEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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A white guy and a black guy are sitting in a bar. The white guy apologizes to the black guy for the hundreds of years of slavery endured by his people.

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Why did the Jew die? Because of old age

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Why did the gay guy go in the bar? To find some hookers

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Want to hear a funny story? So, these to kids have cancer...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there were 5 brothers chasing it with a bat.

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What do you call 20 Investment Bankers buried to their necks in sand? A team building exercise at the beach sponsored by an Investment Bank.

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How can you tell I'm the biggest idiot in the room? Look at me.

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Why do blonde girls like penis? Because it tastes good

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Why are friends like trees? If you hack at them repeatedly with an axe, they fall over.

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A man walks into a bar, He is a severe alcoholic and is slowly drowning himself in booze. The man exits the bar after several hours of heavy drinking and walks home. He enters his home to discover a man in bed with his wife. After the first ten seconds of paralyzing rage, he grabs a .44 Magnum and brutally murders his wife and her bed mate. The man realizes he has woken up his two month old, and after thinking of the horrible act he has committed, he promptly raises the pistol to his temple and pulls the trigger. Oh, I almost forgot, the man was schizophrenic and has never been married.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops