The awkward when you said moment in your head.

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nik nak paddy wack give the dog a breathalyzer test

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What did the mountain biker say when he saw a double rainbow? This a very rare occurrence in nature, and I should enjoy this rare phenomenon.

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What's 6 + 9? 15.

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knock knock who's there? Tommy Tommy who? Tommy Smith from across the street, i just ran over your dog.

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A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? - Getting raped by an giant scorpion.

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Did you hear the joke about the deaf man? Neither did he.

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how do you make a plumber cry kill his family how do you kill the plumbers family with a wrench

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Your mom is so stupid that she failed out of high school and was forced to prostitute for money, thus resulting in you.

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what's black? a lot of things.

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how do you get a girl to stop ignoring you? you kill her family with her watching.

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Why was the black man wet? He was sprayed by a hose.

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How do you starve a Mexican? Deny him access to food stamps

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An Amish walks into Best Buy

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how do you drown a blonde? chain her to a cinder block and throw her off a bridge.

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Why didn't the blond walk into the bar? Because she saw 2 other people get hurt so she ducked

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You know how we have iPods? OJ Simpson strangled his wife.

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Why is one side of a geese formation heading south always longer than the other? It has more geese

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

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What did the blonde say to the priest? Probably something stupid due to the fact that she's blonde.

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What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? An Irish wedding is the celabration of two people joining in matrimony, and an Irish funeral is a somber rememberence of a deceased person.

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Your Momma's so ugly that if she got plastic surgery she would probably look better

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The sandwich asked the girl to make her a boy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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