What do you call a video game nerd who insists on sitting at home all day not going out or thinking of others except for beating the level or killing the creature or leveling that skill or completely ignoring his civic duties? Accepted

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What do you get if you cross a mexican with a pineapple? Nothing, they are two different physical forms thus incapable of becoming a new object.

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Q: What happened when Timmy divided by zero? A: He got a syntax error.

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A man waltzes into a bar, waving a carrot in the air. With an arrogant air of self-importance he flops onto a highchair at the bar. Looka here, looka here, he says to the bartender, waiving the carrot at the man. Will you buy me drinks all night, if I can make this carrot... Never mind, and please leave my bar, the bartender says, pulling out a carrot from under the counter. I've got one myself.

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When did the War of 1812 begin? 1963.

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What did Batman say to Robin before getting into the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? It didn't; by the time Keller owned her first dog, she was an adult with exceptional communicative abilities for one with her condition. She frequently wrote about her beloved dogs and is even credited with introducing the Akita breed to the United States. If her dog had run away, it would be unlikely that she would have been allowed further dogs.

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What's worse than having but sex and finding out you have aids? Knowing that the person you had sex with was dead

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You know that you are going to fail horribly when... your purpose generally defeats the mission.

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Why did the girl drop her lolly pop? She was hit by a bus.

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What is big, red, and eats rocks? A big red rock-eater

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apple pie.

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Why did German "shower heads" have 11 holes? Because Jews only have 10 fingers.

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Is your refrigerator running? No. Oh perfect, I'm a refrigerator repairman, I'll be right over.

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What do you get when you cross an octopus with a camel? Nothing, inter-species breeding is impossible.

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am man walks into a bar, and suffers from brain damage

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yesterday i saw a man walking down the street with no legs. just kidding.

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Bob: The whale is a creature that isn't naturally capable of creating any kind of technologically advanced unit of operations? Spectator: Was that actually a question or a statement? Bob: To be candid, occasionally my mind registers the practically indelible impression that I am not competent enough to effectively articulate my relatively subtle thoughts of philosophical value. Spectator: What'd you attempt to explicate? Bob: Hello, contemporary. Spectator: That's definitely considerably better than, "Benevolent greeting to you, fellow indigenous inhabitants of the magnificant, planetary cynosure, Earth Prime." You've managed to improve! Bob: I shall try to emulate those simpletons of this planet in order to garner new allies. Maybe next time I should just stick with some traditional routines that many people currently practice on a daily basis. Now, it's time to examine some "test subjects" so to educate myself further on the nature of my numerous classmates, purported facillitators etc. Spectator: Bye. Bob: See you next time! Wow... I amaze myself with my ability to efficiently adapt to my circumstantial situations. I mean, I am a ninja student who has developed new skills at communication! Wait... nevermind. Bystander: man, were you just soliloquizing... and personally enjoying it? Bob: Ehhh,... No? Bystander: Was that a statement or a question?

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"hey you know that graveyard down the street." "yeah." "people are dying to get in there."

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Why are young girls better at school than young boys? Because young boys think about young girls.

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ASSCHEEKS

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Q: How do you stop a baby from spinning in circles? A: Nail his other hand to the floor

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What's red, white, and black, and spins around? A kitten in a blender

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Why was Brother Jim so loyal to god? Because he had a harpoon through his anal cavity.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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