How do you wake a sleeping bear? Kick it.

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Why did the girl miss her date? She got killed.

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Two muffins are in an oven. Neither of them talk due to the fact that they are muffins and are inanimate, therefore denying them the ability to talk.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? You set her alarm clock for a reasonable hour.

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What's black and white and nailed to the floor? A skunk that's nailed to the floor.

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How do you get a bunch of Jews in a car? You tell this family who happens to be of Jewish faith that they are going to be late for the birth of another family member's child. How do you get them out? Tell the mother had a miscarriage. This will make them promptly want to leave the care and grieve with the other family members for the lost child.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was stressed & having alot of financial, mental and physical problems so he crossed the road in hope to kill himself. And he did he got ran over by a car, may his soul rest in peace.

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what does 1 out of 15 people get cancer

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Why did the chicken cross the road? like most animals that wander onto the road, it was completely unaware that the road can be very dangerous. It didn't go onto the road on purpose, it simply treated the road as if it was just like the rest of the ground.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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Why didn't little Timmy see the bus right before it hit him? Because he was blind

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Why didn't the jew eat pork? He was vegetarian.

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Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall? A: Fish don't have vocal cords that allow them to speak in a way discernable by humans, and if they did, it would just sound garbled and bubbly due to their being underwater.

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One day, Jimmy didn't wake up.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme. This one doesn't.

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roses are red violets are blue I suck at poetry time for lunch :D

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who do you call when you see a ghost in your apartment? The Mental Hospital.

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If i had 100 dollars for every time a black president was assainted i would have 100 dollars in 4 months and six days.

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what happens when you throw a green rock into a yellow pond. it makes a spash.

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There are 2 black guys in a car. Who's driving? The police.

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can't you hear that TOOT Ta TOOT TOOT, TOOT Ta TOOT TOOT flute (nicki minaj in a past life listening to a symphony)

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Mike lost his arms in a car accident. Knock knock Who's there? Not Mike.

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What's blue, red, and full of metal? Timmy in his favorite blue sweater, after he got hit by a truck.

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Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops