What is funny? Your football official having a heart attack

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What happens when your first name is Newton? You get nicknamed NEWT

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How do you confuse a blonde? Beat her with a spatula while in a mankini with a dildo up your ass!

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Q. What did the blond say when she woke up? A. I don"t know. I wasn't there.

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Why did the girl miss her date? She got killed.

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How do you wake a sleeping bear? Kick it.

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Whats worse than a truck full of dead babies? A live baby trying to eat his way out.

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A bear walks in a restaurant and asks for a table for one. Meanwhile, everyone else in the restaurant is freaking out because there is a bear in there

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What's invisible and smells like carrots? An invisible carrot!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? like most animals that wander onto the road, it was completely unaware that the road can be very dangerous. It didn't go onto the road on purpose, it simply treated the road as if it was just like the rest of the ground.

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what does 1 out of 15 people get cancer

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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What's black and white and nailed to the floor? A skunk that's nailed to the floor.

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Two muffins are in an oven. Neither of them talk due to the fact that they are muffins and are inanimate, therefore denying them the ability to talk.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? You set her alarm clock for a reasonable hour.

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Why didn't little Timmy see the bus right before it hit him? Because he was blind

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was stressed & having alot of financial, mental and physical problems so he crossed the road in hope to kill himself. And he did he got ran over by a car, may his soul rest in peace.

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Why didn't the jew eat pork? He was vegetarian.

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How do you get a bunch of Jews in a car? You tell this family who happens to be of Jewish faith that they are going to be late for the birth of another family member's child. How do you get them out? Tell the mother had a miscarriage. This will make them promptly want to leave the care and grieve with the other family members for the lost child.

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can't you hear that TOOT Ta TOOT TOOT, TOOT Ta TOOT TOOT flute (nicki minaj in a past life listening to a symphony)

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What's blue, red, and full of metal? Timmy in his favorite blue sweater, after he got hit by a truck.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme. This one doesn't.

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Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

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what happens when you throw a green rock into a yellow pond. it makes a spash.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops